Assalam Walaikum. Peace be upon you.
Sadly we have come to an era when parents curse their own children. After some observations; Mothers saying their kids are stupid, pigs, and irresponsible. Fathers saying their kids don't respect them and are unappreciative of their favors.
And parents set the example.
Aisha (r), a wife of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), called one of his other wives short. He said, the one word you said against her could turn the oceans black. ONE bad word against someone can turn the oceans black. All of them. That's how bad it is.
Sadly, a mothers prayer is accepted more readily than others. So when they throw around comments about their children, they could be cursing them to that destiny.
And when fathers complain about the duty they were given to take care of their family, and they call others unappreciative, perhaps their duas get accepted too - and families become unappreciative.
It's frustrating.
Parents are granted the highest respect in the Quran after Allah (God) and Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), however we are also told not to listen to them when we are asked to forge our belief of God, or do something against Islam.
Obey your parents.
That doesn't mean sit down when they say. Stand when they say. That doesn't mean tell them what to do. It means listen and respect their advice. Filter the good and the unnecessary. It also means advise them on what is good, and if they give us bad advice we should do our best to explain that to them and teach them what is right.
Don't gossip.
Don't scream.
Pray on time.
If they tell us not to talk to our uncle, which is their brother, that is breaking ties with family. That is forbidden. It brings a curse upon us. The Prophet (pbuh) said those who break ties with family bring upon themselves a curse on Earth. We should do our best to reconcile family members and also make an effort to keep things well with our uncle- Whether that means saying salam when we see them and ask them how they're doing; or if in the position when we are not bound by our parents restrictions (married and not living in the same home) visit them, speak to them on the phone and try to increase our relationship. Don't wait until they're dying.
Do you part.
Those who have a strong belief in Allah, and have faith in reconciling both sides, they are successful.
The Quran also says, honor thy father and mother.
While they were given so much honor, our mother two times more than our father for our carrying and nursing; they must also respect their children.
Rule of law: respect others to get respect. You can't force respect, nor can you demand it. You must earn it.
Inshallah we should try to respect everyone at all times - young or old. Feeble or strong. Hard-headed or confident. Arrogant or learning. Polished or rocky.
A hadith says, show mercy to the young and respect your elders.
Mercy to the young means not expecting them to be wise grown folks that understand 'everything.' It doesn't mean commanding people until they listen to you. It doesn't mean forcing people to think a certain way. It doesn't mean ignoring them when they speak. It means helping them grow in every aspect.
In a hadith it says, we are considered living our youth ages until we're 40, in which times we rely on our parents for support, after 40 they rely on us.
Think about: that means we are to be guided throughout that time by our parents to the best of their ability. Alhamdulillah by that time most of us have our degrees, are married and at least one kid. We are starting/continuing our family life. So expecting teens to be at the forty-something mindset is kind of impossible.
Similarly the way you speak to a two-year-old is not the same way you speak to a 12-year-old. The way you speak to a 20-year-old is not the same way you speak to a 40-year-old. The older we get, the more opinions and feedback we have.
Parents are told to give their children good advice. That's what we need, good lessons when we are younger and advice as we grow older, when we are responsible for our own actions.
Boys who are 15 and do whatever they want are being judged. Girls who talk back to their parents are going to be judged. Parents who don't treat their kids kindly are going to be judged. And we're going to be judged in front of the Greatest Fairest Stricted judge of all - Allah.
Do what you want but, beware of the consequences.
May Allah open our hearts, forgive our sins and give us guidance. Ya Allah forgive me if I have made any mistakes.
-Ameen
