DTE and me

On a sticky August morning in 2008, I was driving sleepy-eyed to work at Wayne State University. I was newly married and decided not to take summer classes to give myself time to adapt to my new lifestyle. Going to work was my major chore for the day.

On my way I noticed there wasn't a stop sign at a cross-section which seemed bare. After looking both ways, I continued. Bam!

I was hit by a DTE truck. My car spun in 360 degrees. I was speechless and naturally began saying my prayers. This was the end, I thought.

After the car stopped, I got out and approached the other driver. "You hit me," said a 40-year-old or so man. He looked as puzzled as I was. He looked offended. His eyes questioned me. He spoke softly like a father chiding his child, gently but unforgiving.

I told him, "There was no stop sign. I didn't see you."

I called my husband who came with our insurance papers. A Detroit came to investigate the scene.

"My bosses are not going to be happy about this," said the DTE driver. His truck was dented. He pulled his truck to the right to avoid my car hitting him head on, he said. He was in my blind spot (too close for me to see him coming). He saved my life.

Two body-builder guys drove to the scene. They were the bosses. They asked me how I was doing, walked over to the cars and asked if they could snap pictures. Go ahead.

I told my story to the cop and to the bosses -- that I didn't see a stop sign. The cop and I walked over to the corner. The stop sign had been turned 45 degrees, in the wrong direction. It was also covered by long branches from a tree. The cop checked my documents, handed them back and left. He was kind and understanding. The bosses seemed satisfied with my answer and also took off. Only in Detroit.

Paternal Uncles

My Uncles - Mom's brothers.

When I was seven years old, I remember being told that my oldest maternal uncle was "a caution sign". It was hard to talk to him or get anything out of him except a grunt. He would always tell us to be quiet. We barley saw him smile and I almost thought he had no sense of humor. Then he got married.

We first met Boro Mami (Uncle's wife) in Bangladesh on our first visit back. Mama was spending the summer there as well. He seemed so much more relaxed and spirited. Her house was fun, we stayed for two days. I chased chickens, saw monkeys up close for the first time and met people who I thought of as family.

Granted I haven't seen my uncle for 10 years, except for a brief greeting at a wedding five years ago. He lives 10 hours away by car, and two and-a-half hours by plane. I miss him. Can't believe I said that.

His conversations are short but they are sweet and love-filled. My family (mom, dad, brothers, sister) are visiting his family right now. Mom hasn't seen him in years either. Hope everyone's enjoying their time together.

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We called maternal uncle #2 "funny uncle" because he was a joker and would always make us laugh. Compared to #1, he was cool and memorable. After he got married he became the serious type.

He does joke once in a while. I see with my youngest brother. He's great with kids. Seeing him as a father was unreal, but he's awesome. Now he's quite far away. I was able to see him for the past few years but honestly we didn't spend as much time together as we could've.

My cousins are beautiful kids. My aunt, she's chill. We met her family in Bangladesh during a summer vacation which helped me find something more to talk about.

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Then #3 was a serious type as well. On the other hand, he was very creative and almost an artist and engineer by nature. He could trace things to be quite exact and fix video cassette players in moments.He has adorable twin sons, who look like my youngest brother.

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Lastly, #4 is a bit of a mix. He's serious and easy-going. At times he would be very goofy and smiles a lot. However at other times, he can't stand any noise and wants things to happen pronto. As a child he used to be my favorite. As I got older we used to fight. And now, well he's the only one I have close by. He's down-to-earth and the one who relates to us best.

He make's me who I am: Important men in my life

At  50, he's as energetic as he was when he was 37. Although strict as ever, he is fun and funny. He can make you laugh when he agrees with you. He is patient when it comes to his kids but mighty when it comes to his roles. He doesn't expect a thank you but he is always happy when people are happy with him. He loves to laugh but dislikes when you laugh at him. While I was going to college he was supportive of me. He took me back-and-forth from class to home, quickly reminding me my child comes first and I need to get home as quickly as possible. At the same time, he had his days when he'd take me to his home and urge me to eat something, as I was in his eyes, a busy mother attending school. His affection is his warmth, something you can feel when he walks into a room.

A decade younger, he's my shadow. This young man just turned 17. I still remember the times I jumped for joy when hearing about his potential arrival. He was my prize when he was born, and he is now my mirror. Since a tender age he has been about the truth, and tells it like it is. From dressing right to accompanying his family, he's the quiet young boy who turned into a teen.

He's my opposite. He's the quiet shy guy with a smile. Almost 30, his maturity enables to him to balance the ability to console, guide and direct. Elders come to his doorstep for consultation, while the youth adore his laid-back style. He is neutral minded. His eyes are full of warmth. Dressed in casual clothes, perfection is his middle name. He is cultural, professional and family-oriented.

New House, Environment And Wisdom From The Past

Seven miles north from Detroit, there is a simple 2-story half white brick house with four rooms. Most of our guests laugh at the place we now call home, noting there are two extra rooms. We bought the house to fit us and share the space with those we care about.

We left behind the arson-ridden homes, the druggies across the street who knocked on our door in the middle of the night, and the people who peeped outside curtains or doors to see who was passing by.

You could smell curry down the street. That's the place I once called home.

Today I wake with my liberty, but knowing at heart who I really am. Who I've become. 

Quran Reflection: Teach Children Accountability, Uphold Justice

Hours ago I was plagued with a question in my mind. How do you find balance between family members who are just and uphold what is right versus those who are blind to the reality? How do you 'show them the light?' The answer is clear in Surah Hud, 42-47:

In the beginning of the story Prophet Nuh is commanded by Allah swt to embark onto an ark he had built through Allah's command, with the believers. Nuh (as) tells his son to join him. His son seeks refuge from the rain and flooding by running to the top of a mountain.

"So it (the ship) sailed with them amidst the waves like mountains, and Nuh (Noah) called out to his son, who had separated himself (apart), "O my son! Embark with us and be not with the disbelievers. The son replied: "I will betake myself to a mountain, it will save me from the water." Nuh (Noah) said: "This day there is no savior from the Decree of Allah except him on whom He has mercy." And a wave came in between them, so he (the son) was among the drowned. (11:42-43)

Prophet Nuh (as) lost his son. After days of continuous flooding Allah commanded the waters to stop pouring from the heavens and from gushing up from the earth. The disbelievers were destroyed in this flood.

“And it was said: "O earth! Swallow up your water, and O sky! Withhold (your rain)." And the water was diminished (made to subside) and the Decree (of Allah) was fulfilled (i.e. the destruction of the people of Nuh (Noah). And it (the ship) rested on Mount Judi, and it was said: ‘Away with the people who are Zalimun (polytheists and wrong-doing)!’ (11:44).”

Prophet Nuh (as) begged for his son, pleading and questioning why his son was taken away from him. Nuh said he understood Allah’s judgment is true but he questioned Him.

“And Nuh (Noah) called upon his Lord and said, "O my Lord! Verily, my son is of my family! And certainly, Your Promise is true, and You are the Most Just of the judges (11:45).”

The human nature of a woman, mother and person does this to us – we attempt to save our children by loving them. We think we can solve their problems by showering them with love. However Allah’s decree is final. Saying that, parents should be cautious to withhold justice and teach children accountability rather than letting them off the hook and ‘forgiving them’ time and time again. Tough love.

Allah explains in Surah Hud: 46:

He said: "O Nuh (Noah)! Surely, he is not of your family; verily, his work is unrighteous, so ask not of Me that of which you have no knowledge! I admonish you, lest you be one of the ignorants.”

Allah also explains although you have a nuclear family or a blood family, the people who you should consider the believers as your family. They are the ones who can help you. Allah also warns Prophet Nuh (as) from becoming ignorant. The Prophets were held to higher standards of belief in Allah, and were expected to be a spiritual moral leader and warner. A small mistake on their end was considered big to Allah.

Therefore Prophet Nuh (as) apologized for his mistake. “Nuh (Noah) said: ‘O my Lord! I seek refuge with You from asking You that of which I have no knowledge. And unless You forgive me and have Mercy on me, I would indeed be one of the losers’ (11:47).”