That's what makes her who she is: important women in my life

She's nearly 64. She likes to cook and can't stand when things aren't clean. If you want to please her, you must do as she wishes, however you can get around it when you need to. She's old. She's young. She's strong. She's loving. She's lovely.

Cooking for her five sons, even if it's at 7 a.m., makes her happy. She will wait altruistically for everyone in the house to eat before she takes a bite. Even then, she will ask whether we did the same, as her example leads.

She's 27. She is daring, curious, ambitious. She takes opportunities by the horns and says no to defeat. She lives, she laughs, she dreams. She doesn't take no for an answer. She has an answer to everything. She's my friend, the person who keeps me in check. She's someone I'll never forget.

She reminds me to be strong, tells me when I'm wrong, and keeps me focused and headstrong. She helps me, trusts me, and gives me a friendship I need.

She's 19. She likes to draw. She is full of sweet. She can't make decisions without consulting everything. She does many things. She is more mature in ways - than me. She can tell the difference between wins and defeats. She laughs hard, has a soft heart, and is balanced even when she falls to her feet.

I've never seen a day that she couldn't pick herself back up. She's determined, strong, optimistic, full of faith, full of life and aware of her hereafter.

She's 37. She takes things easily. She likes to be right, but she has confidence in learning new things. She is understanding, compassionate, rewarding. She's someone you'll miss if you don't see her in a few days. She reminds everyone of someone they know. She brings joy into a room. She always has an answer. She likes to read. She likes to laugh. She likes to be there for everyone for anything.

She's bright, beautiful, helpful, inspiring, wonderful. She's young and fun. She makes it okay when things are going wrong. She's interested in happenings. She's mature, clever and determined to hold things together.

She's 27. She has a beautiful life which she's surrounded with her family and friends. She's inspiring. She's quiet, she's loud. She's silly and proud. She's understanding, mature and optimistic. She has practical solutions for sticky situations. She's a mommy. She's caring, she's daring. She makes it okay to be wrong. She's strong. She writes, she reads. She takes a stab at everything.

She's an older maturer version of what I'd like to be.

She's 20. She's creative. She's imaginative. She's stubborn and silly. She draws the crowd, is happy and loud. She's there for advice. She's mature. She's a kid. She's a part of my past, a little distant from my present and has kept a place for the future. She's beautiful. She's pretty. She's the life of the party.

She's strong, determinded and helpful. She likes a good plate of chicken and potatoes. She's forgetful. She's fashionable. In some ways, she's the opposite of me - or I'm the opposite of her. Sometimes, she's perfect.

Can you guess who's who?

Women roles and tolls

There's a secret underlying stereotype that women should always stay home to take care of the children.

I agree, to an extent.

God has created man and woman to take care of each other, and has set guidelines and duties upon each. He created us different, giving us roles and requiring us to take them on. Men are the head of the household while women are primary care givers.

Certainly.

There's more.

If it were that simple for women to stay home and take care of their children, well might as well lock yourself up in your house (or room) and do everything for them right? Wrong.

I've been picking up on a couple of things. Such as, I wasn't able to cut my son's fingernails without getting myself into a little trouble. I needed help from an experienced mother, my sister-in-law.

Attempt to take care of kid by myself: fail.

Or like the times you need to take a shower or use the bathroom, you'll need someone to "keep an eye" on the baby.

I have an exam to turn in before tomorrow night. After getting some house chores I went to pray zuhr, the second daily prayer and the baby started crying because he was hungry.

Feed child or pray? Both.

His grandmother offered to feed him while I prayed, giving up her lunch time to do so.

Lesson learned: it's not always easy to ask for help, or to take it when it's avaliable. Don't take things for granted but use your resources.

Although there's a stereotype to stay home all the time, women know they need some space to breathe, they need to see other mothers make it through, they need help once in a while and will also have ambitions of their own to pursue.

I was speaking to a woman today who's daughter-in-law is soon to come from Bangladesh. My aunt and I asked if she'd be continuing her studies. She said, "Oh we'll see, you never know how they'll be until after they get here," implying her daughter-in-law might be stuck up and not take care of her in-laws.

Also she is hoping for a grandchild prior to any further education. The daughter-in-law is(was) 2 years away from completing her law degree in Bangladesh. They told her to stop going to school. Her schooling would be practically worthless here.

Sad, but true.

I encouraged the woman to let her attend school, if her daughter-in-law wants. We'll see what happens.

The lady also asked if I was going to school and if my in-laws were alright with that. I said yes, and I told them how important my education was to me before getting married.

Culture.

In Islam women are allowed to take jobs out of the home, if they are able to manage both their home and outside life. The only major restrictions are not to do jobs that contradict their faith, family, religion, and not to take on jobs that are the head of the government (over stressful jobs), like being president of a country.

Islam also encourages women to stay educated and continue their education, even requiring her husband to get her books if she can't leave the household. Why? Because if you aren't educated, how will you educate your children and family? The women are the backbone of the family, however they need support to be just that.

Once again, religion to the rescue.

Tutoring Woes.

God says that humankind are all related to one another - humanity - since the beginning of time.

Not only are we required to help one another at all times, we are encouraged to fulfill our rights towards other Muslims and people, without expecting a thank you or a favor in return.

With that said, I have been tutoring two young boys for the past 2-3 months.

The kids are new from Bangladesh and I knew tutoring them would require patience and translating from English to Bangla. Of two brothers showed up one day asking for help understanding his homework assignment. My husband and brother-in-law took a stab about 7th grade math and soon I was assigned to find answers for the kids. I ran to the computer for online assistance.

At fist I wasn't up for tutoring the boys. Then my sister-in-law said it's rewarding to help these kids. I started helping them in search of rewards.

Visits were fairly short. I had nothing better to do. Helping them would keep my mind from wandering off into "nothingness and boredom."

Later on the visits got longer, and repetitive. I started getting frustrated as my list of to-do's also piled up.

My hungry newborn cries during meetings. Now for the past couple of times when I didn't want to, or couldn't help the boys out because I either wasn't home or had something to do, I wasn't able to say no. When I wasn't home I had to keep explaining I'm not home or wouldn't be home for a while.

Yesterday my husband told the boys we were going out. I talked to them and said the same. They asked me when I'd be coming home. I said late. They asked when.

Yeah, sigh.

Today I didn't want to tutor them. I reasoned with myself that I had a legitimate reason to say no; I wasn't going to be home for a bit and may go out again later. But I didn't get out a second time. Bit that's not a REAL excuse. I could've told them to call and come over later.

I didn't let them come.

My husband came home from work, inquired about them, and asked me to call and check on them to see if they got their homework done -- around 9:30 p.m. One of the boys sounded gloomy and draggy about having to do his homework on his own.

It's not their fault, they don't understand the directions. However while helping with directions, I end up re-teaching the lessons, or surfing the net for more info. Time killers.

At times I try to explain HOW to do the homework. When I'm in a rush I explain but sometimes search for answers. I have to teach them how to look for answers in standard situations.

Today I just didn't want to tutor them. I wanted to spend that time working on my paper. I didn't. I spent time with my husband instead. I gave him his dinner, made him tea, and chatted about credit cards.

At the end of the day I learned that when I'm not really busy, might as well help the boys to get the rewards rather than waste time. I also need to be more straightfoward and say no when I can't tutor them.

May Allah help them and reward our efforts, Inshallah.