She's nearly 64. She likes to cook and can't stand when things aren't clean. If you want to please her, you must do as she wishes, however you can get around it when you need to. She's old. She's young. She's strong. She's loving. She's lovely.
Cooking for her five sons, even if it's at 7 a.m., makes her happy. She will wait altruistically for everyone in the house to eat before she takes a bite. Even then, she will ask whether we did the same, as her example leads.
She's 27. She is daring, curious, ambitious. She takes opportunities by the horns and says no to defeat. She lives, she laughs, she dreams. She doesn't take no for an answer. She has an answer to everything. She's my friend, the person who keeps me in check. She's someone I'll never forget.
She reminds me to be strong, tells me when I'm wrong, and keeps me focused and headstrong. She helps me, trusts me, and gives me a friendship I need.
She's 19. She likes to draw. She is full of sweet. She can't make decisions without consulting everything. She does many things. She is more mature in ways - than me. She can tell the difference between wins and defeats. She laughs hard, has a soft heart, and is balanced even when she falls to her feet.
I've never seen a day that she couldn't pick herself back up. She's determined, strong, optimistic, full of faith, full of life and aware of her hereafter.
She's 37. She takes things easily. She likes to be right, but she has confidence in learning new things. She is understanding, compassionate, rewarding. She's someone you'll miss if you don't see her in a few days. She reminds everyone of someone they know. She brings joy into a room. She always has an answer. She likes to read. She likes to laugh. She likes to be there for everyone for anything.
She's bright, beautiful, helpful, inspiring, wonderful. She's young and fun. She makes it okay when things are going wrong. She's interested in happenings. She's mature, clever and determined to hold things together.
She's 27. She has a beautiful life which she's surrounded with her family and friends. She's inspiring. She's quiet, she's loud. She's silly and proud. She's understanding, mature and optimistic. She has practical solutions for sticky situations. She's a mommy. She's caring, she's daring. She makes it okay to be wrong. She's strong. She writes, she reads. She takes a stab at everything.
She's an older maturer version of what I'd like to be.
She's 20. She's creative. She's imaginative. She's stubborn and silly. She draws the crowd, is happy and loud. She's there for advice. She's mature. She's a kid. She's a part of my past, a little distant from my present and has kept a place for the future. She's beautiful. She's pretty. She's the life of the party.
She's strong, determinded and helpful. She likes a good plate of chicken and potatoes. She's forgetful. She's fashionable. In some ways, she's the opposite of me - or I'm the opposite of her. Sometimes, she's perfect.
Can you guess who's who?
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Women roles and tolls
There's a secret underlying stereotype that women should always stay home to take care of the children.
I agree, to an extent.
God has created man and woman to take care of each other, and has set guidelines and duties upon each. He created us different, giving us roles and requiring us to take them on. Men are the head of the household while women are primary care givers.
Certainly.
There's more.
If it were that simple for women to stay home and take care of their children, well might as well lock yourself up in your house (or room) and do everything for them right? Wrong.
I've been picking up on a couple of things. Such as, I wasn't able to cut my son's fingernails without getting myself into a little trouble. I needed help from an experienced mother, my sister-in-law.
Attempt to take care of kid by myself: fail.
Or like the times you need to take a shower or use the bathroom, you'll need someone to "keep an eye" on the baby.
I have an exam to turn in before tomorrow night. After getting some house chores I went to pray zuhr, the second daily prayer and the baby started crying because he was hungry.
Feed child or pray? Both.
His grandmother offered to feed him while I prayed, giving up her lunch time to do so.
Lesson learned: it's not always easy to ask for help, or to take it when it's avaliable. Don't take things for granted but use your resources.
Although there's a stereotype to stay home all the time, women know they need some space to breathe, they need to see other mothers make it through, they need help once in a while and will also have ambitions of their own to pursue.
I was speaking to a woman today who's daughter-in-law is soon to come from Bangladesh. My aunt and I asked if she'd be continuing her studies. She said, "Oh we'll see, you never know how they'll be until after they get here," implying her daughter-in-law might be stuck up and not take care of her in-laws.
Also she is hoping for a grandchild prior to any further education. The daughter-in-law is(was) 2 years away from completing her law degree in Bangladesh. They told her to stop going to school. Her schooling would be practically worthless here.
Sad, but true.
I encouraged the woman to let her attend school, if her daughter-in-law wants. We'll see what happens.
The lady also asked if I was going to school and if my in-laws were alright with that. I said yes, and I told them how important my education was to me before getting married.
Culture.
In Islam women are allowed to take jobs out of the home, if they are able to manage both their home and outside life. The only major restrictions are not to do jobs that contradict their faith, family, religion, and not to take on jobs that are the head of the government (over stressful jobs), like being president of a country.
Islam also encourages women to stay educated and continue their education, even requiring her husband to get her books if she can't leave the household. Why? Because if you aren't educated, how will you educate your children and family? The women are the backbone of the family, however they need support to be just that.
Once again, religion to the rescue.
I agree, to an extent.
God has created man and woman to take care of each other, and has set guidelines and duties upon each. He created us different, giving us roles and requiring us to take them on. Men are the head of the household while women are primary care givers.
Certainly.
There's more.
If it were that simple for women to stay home and take care of their children, well might as well lock yourself up in your house (or room) and do everything for them right? Wrong.
I've been picking up on a couple of things. Such as, I wasn't able to cut my son's fingernails without getting myself into a little trouble. I needed help from an experienced mother, my sister-in-law.
Attempt to take care of kid by myself: fail.
Or like the times you need to take a shower or use the bathroom, you'll need someone to "keep an eye" on the baby.
I have an exam to turn in before tomorrow night. After getting some house chores I went to pray zuhr, the second daily prayer and the baby started crying because he was hungry.
Feed child or pray? Both.
His grandmother offered to feed him while I prayed, giving up her lunch time to do so.
Lesson learned: it's not always easy to ask for help, or to take it when it's avaliable. Don't take things for granted but use your resources.
Although there's a stereotype to stay home all the time, women know they need some space to breathe, they need to see other mothers make it through, they need help once in a while and will also have ambitions of their own to pursue.
I was speaking to a woman today who's daughter-in-law is soon to come from Bangladesh. My aunt and I asked if she'd be continuing her studies. She said, "Oh we'll see, you never know how they'll be until after they get here," implying her daughter-in-law might be stuck up and not take care of her in-laws.
Also she is hoping for a grandchild prior to any further education. The daughter-in-law is(was) 2 years away from completing her law degree in Bangladesh. They told her to stop going to school. Her schooling would be practically worthless here.
Sad, but true.
I encouraged the woman to let her attend school, if her daughter-in-law wants. We'll see what happens.
The lady also asked if I was going to school and if my in-laws were alright with that. I said yes, and I told them how important my education was to me before getting married.
Culture.
In Islam women are allowed to take jobs out of the home, if they are able to manage both their home and outside life. The only major restrictions are not to do jobs that contradict their faith, family, religion, and not to take on jobs that are the head of the government (over stressful jobs), like being president of a country.
Islam also encourages women to stay educated and continue their education, even requiring her husband to get her books if she can't leave the household. Why? Because if you aren't educated, how will you educate your children and family? The women are the backbone of the family, however they need support to be just that.
Once again, religion to the rescue.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Tutoring Woes.
God says that humankind are all related to one another - humanity - since the beginning of time.
Not only are we required to help one another at all times, we are encouraged to fulfill our rights towards other Muslims and people, without expecting a thank you or a favor in return.
With that said, I have been tutoring two young boys for the past 2-3 months.
The kids are new from Bangladesh and I knew tutoring them would require patience and translating from English to Bangla. Of two brothers showed up one day asking for help understanding his homework assignment. My husband and brother-in-law took a stab about 7th grade math and soon I was assigned to find answers for the kids. I ran to the computer for online assistance.
At fist I wasn't up for tutoring the boys. Then my sister-in-law said it's rewarding to help these kids. I started helping them in search of rewards.
Visits were fairly short. I had nothing better to do. Helping them would keep my mind from wandering off into "nothingness and boredom."
Later on the visits got longer, and repetitive. I started getting frustrated as my list of to-do's also piled up.
My hungry newborn cries during meetings. Now for the past couple of times when I didn't want to, or couldn't help the boys out because I either wasn't home or had something to do, I wasn't able to say no. When I wasn't home I had to keep explaining I'm not home or wouldn't be home for a while.
Yesterday my husband told the boys we were going out. I talked to them and said the same. They asked me when I'd be coming home. I said late. They asked when.
Yeah, sigh.
Today I didn't want to tutor them. I reasoned with myself that I had a legitimate reason to say no; I wasn't going to be home for a bit and may go out again later. But I didn't get out a second time. Bit that's not a REAL excuse. I could've told them to call and come over later.
I didn't let them come.
My husband came home from work, inquired about them, and asked me to call and check on them to see if they got their homework done -- around 9:30 p.m. One of the boys sounded gloomy and draggy about having to do his homework on his own.
It's not their fault, they don't understand the directions. However while helping with directions, I end up re-teaching the lessons, or surfing the net for more info. Time killers.
At times I try to explain HOW to do the homework. When I'm in a rush I explain but sometimes search for answers. I have to teach them how to look for answers in standard situations.
Today I just didn't want to tutor them. I wanted to spend that time working on my paper. I didn't. I spent time with my husband instead. I gave him his dinner, made him tea, and chatted about credit cards.
At the end of the day I learned that when I'm not really busy, might as well help the boys to get the rewards rather than waste time. I also need to be more straightfoward and say no when I can't tutor them.
May Allah help them and reward our efforts, Inshallah.
Not only are we required to help one another at all times, we are encouraged to fulfill our rights towards other Muslims and people, without expecting a thank you or a favor in return.
With that said, I have been tutoring two young boys for the past 2-3 months.
The kids are new from Bangladesh and I knew tutoring them would require patience and translating from English to Bangla. Of two brothers showed up one day asking for help understanding his homework assignment. My husband and brother-in-law took a stab about 7th grade math and soon I was assigned to find answers for the kids. I ran to the computer for online assistance.
At fist I wasn't up for tutoring the boys. Then my sister-in-law said it's rewarding to help these kids. I started helping them in search of rewards.
Visits were fairly short. I had nothing better to do. Helping them would keep my mind from wandering off into "nothingness and boredom."
Later on the visits got longer, and repetitive. I started getting frustrated as my list of to-do's also piled up.
My hungry newborn cries during meetings. Now for the past couple of times when I didn't want to, or couldn't help the boys out because I either wasn't home or had something to do, I wasn't able to say no. When I wasn't home I had to keep explaining I'm not home or wouldn't be home for a while.
Yesterday my husband told the boys we were going out. I talked to them and said the same. They asked me when I'd be coming home. I said late. They asked when.
Yeah, sigh.
Today I didn't want to tutor them. I reasoned with myself that I had a legitimate reason to say no; I wasn't going to be home for a bit and may go out again later. But I didn't get out a second time. Bit that's not a REAL excuse. I could've told them to call and come over later.
I didn't let them come.
My husband came home from work, inquired about them, and asked me to call and check on them to see if they got their homework done -- around 9:30 p.m. One of the boys sounded gloomy and draggy about having to do his homework on his own.
It's not their fault, they don't understand the directions. However while helping with directions, I end up re-teaching the lessons, or surfing the net for more info. Time killers.
At times I try to explain HOW to do the homework. When I'm in a rush I explain but sometimes search for answers. I have to teach them how to look for answers in standard situations.
Today I just didn't want to tutor them. I wanted to spend that time working on my paper. I didn't. I spent time with my husband instead. I gave him his dinner, made him tea, and chatted about credit cards.
At the end of the day I learned that when I'm not really busy, might as well help the boys to get the rewards rather than waste time. I also need to be more straightfoward and say no when I can't tutor them.
May Allah help them and reward our efforts, Inshallah.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Recipe: Fried white rice (Fulaw)
Fulaw is a special dish prepared for lunch and dinner invitations. It is usually served at all special occasions; weddings, dawaths, parties, etc. It is given to guests, along with additional white rice for additional dishes. Served with meats and poultry.
May have some mistakes, feel free to correct. Haven't perfected this one yet!
Ingredients
7 cups of Basmatti or white rice (serves 10-14)
3/4 tspn of ghee or butter
6 Indian green chili peppers
5 tez fatha
2 Cinnamon sticks, crushed
5-6 ilais
1-1 1/2 tspn salt
1 cup vegetable oil
2 1/2 onions, finely chopped
3+ cups of water
Large steel pot
1 yard of foil
Preparation
* Chop onions
* Wash rice and leave out on counter for 10 minutes in strainer
* Wash ingredients
Directions
1. Pre-heat stove on low-medium
2. Add oil, onions, salt
3. Add Cinnamon, tez fatha, peppers
4. Mix occasionally every 2-3 minutes, for 10 minutes
5. Add rice when onions are half-way cooked
6. Mix every 1-2 minutes for 15 minutes.
Don't let rice stick to bottom of pot.
7. Add ghee/ butter after 5 minutes of rice stirring. (optional for flavoring)
8. Add water when all rice is fried.
Frist add 3 cups of water. Check water level, add water according to approximation; should be about 1 1/2 inches above settled rice.
9. Stir ingredients.
10. Stick in oven on 350 degrees for 10 minutes. Cover with foil and a lid.
11. Take out of oven and stir well.
12. Place rice back in oven for another 5-10 minutes, depending on if rice is cooked.
13. Check to see rice is fluffy and not too watery or dry.
14. Taste for salt.
15. Enjoy!
Add a little flavor!
Serve hot with tandoori chicken, chicken and potatoes dish, or fried fish.
Refrigerate left-overs. Will stay good for 3-4 days.
May have some mistakes, feel free to correct. Haven't perfected this one yet!
Ingredients
7 cups of Basmatti or white rice (serves 10-14)
3/4 tspn of ghee or butter
6 Indian green chili peppers
5 tez fatha
2 Cinnamon sticks, crushed
5-6 ilais
1-1 1/2 tspn salt
1 cup vegetable oil
2 1/2 onions, finely chopped
3+ cups of water
Large steel pot
1 yard of foil
Preparation
* Chop onions
* Wash rice and leave out on counter for 10 minutes in strainer
* Wash ingredients
Directions
1. Pre-heat stove on low-medium
2. Add oil, onions, salt
3. Add Cinnamon, tez fatha, peppers
4. Mix occasionally every 2-3 minutes, for 10 minutes
5. Add rice when onions are half-way cooked
6. Mix every 1-2 minutes for 15 minutes.
Don't let rice stick to bottom of pot.
7. Add ghee/ butter after 5 minutes of rice stirring. (optional for flavoring)
8. Add water when all rice is fried.
Frist add 3 cups of water. Check water level, add water according to approximation; should be about 1 1/2 inches above settled rice.
9. Stir ingredients.
10. Stick in oven on 350 degrees for 10 minutes. Cover with foil and a lid.
11. Take out of oven and stir well.
12. Place rice back in oven for another 5-10 minutes, depending on if rice is cooked.
13. Check to see rice is fluffy and not too watery or dry.
14. Taste for salt.
15. Enjoy!
Add a little flavor!
Serve hot with tandoori chicken, chicken and potatoes dish, or fried fish.
Refrigerate left-overs. Will stay good for 3-4 days.
Recipes: Spinach with Potatoes & Tuna (Shaag biran)
I've decided to keep a weekly posting on recipes I made during the week. Sometimes more than once a week, to keep track of yummy and necessary food recipes.
More for me than you ;-)
Enjoy and feel free to add suggestions for change.
Spinach with Potatoes & Tuna (Shaag)
Ingredients
1 small sandwich size ziploc bag of pre-boiled spinach (shaag)or 2 bags of fresh spinach leaves; chopped thin
1-2 potatoes, chopped into small cubes or long thin slices
1 medium-sized onion, sliced and chopped
1/2 tspn turmeric
1/2 chilli pepper
1 tspn salt
1 can of tuna; white or red
[You can use any fish if you don't like tuna.
Take out bones and shred into small pieces.]
4 tspns of vegetable oil
1 handful of cilantro (optional)
4 green chilli peppers, Indian kind (optional)
Preparation
* Leave spinach out for 30 -40 minutes or defrost on high for 3 minutes.
* If you have fresh spinach, chop into thin pieces
* Spices
* Chop onions
* Peel and chop potatoes
Directions
1. Low-heat pot and drizzle oil on bottom. Oil should cover 3/4 of pot.
2. Add onions and stir occasionally for 3-5 minutes
3. Add turmeric, salt, chili and peppers (optional).
4. Wait for onions to cook a little, approx. 5 minutes
5. Add potatoes, cover pot and put stove on low-medium heat.
Check every few minutes, stir. Cook for 10 minutes.
6. Add can of tuna. Mix and cook for 5 minutes.
7. Add spinach into mix. Cook for 5 minutes
8. Add cilantro, mix and turn off stove.
9. Enjoy!
Add some flavor!
Tastes well with white rice, green chili peppers, and a slice of lemon :)
More for me than you ;-)
Enjoy and feel free to add suggestions for change.
Spinach with Potatoes & Tuna (Shaag)
Ingredients
1 small sandwich size ziploc bag of pre-boiled spinach (shaag)or 2 bags of fresh spinach leaves; chopped thin
1-2 potatoes, chopped into small cubes or long thin slices
1 medium-sized onion, sliced and chopped
1/2 tspn turmeric
1/2 chilli pepper
1 tspn salt
1 can of tuna; white or red
[You can use any fish if you don't like tuna.
Take out bones and shred into small pieces.]
4 tspns of vegetable oil
1 handful of cilantro (optional)
4 green chilli peppers, Indian kind (optional)
Preparation
* Leave spinach out for 30 -40 minutes or defrost on high for 3 minutes.
* If you have fresh spinach, chop into thin pieces
* Spices
* Chop onions
* Peel and chop potatoes
Directions
1. Low-heat pot and drizzle oil on bottom. Oil should cover 3/4 of pot.
2. Add onions and stir occasionally for 3-5 minutes
3. Add turmeric, salt, chili and peppers (optional).
4. Wait for onions to cook a little, approx. 5 minutes
5. Add potatoes, cover pot and put stove on low-medium heat.
Check every few minutes, stir. Cook for 10 minutes.
6. Add can of tuna. Mix and cook for 5 minutes.
7. Add spinach into mix. Cook for 5 minutes
8. Add cilantro, mix and turn off stove.
9. Enjoy!
Add some flavor!
Tastes well with white rice, green chili peppers, and a slice of lemon :)
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Friends or Family?
Growing up in a family which showed tough love, I often thought of my friends as my escape, my responsibility and the closest thing to my family.
We have aunts and uncles but it seemed so different then, when we were teenagers and we were lost with words when it came to relatives.
The conversations went like this:
Assalam Walaikum ___________.
How are you? Good.
How's school going? Good.
(long pause and boredness)
Eat eat. Come eat.
(another long silence)
Okay, goodnight. Come over.
The End.
Thanks to my understanding patient parents, I enjoyed the company of my friends. I went where I wanted, many times with my parents dropping us off to make sure we didn't wander off. Other times as I got older and "knew better" I was able to let them know where I was going and spend time with my girls.
Now it's different.
I never understood the meaning of family until I got married.
I was telling my husband yesterday, "You know the things I don't get, now I get them thanks to you...you know the family cultural expectations and formalities. I'm not that smart when it comes to that stuff, but you are. That's why my parents got me married to you."
He politely and modestly declined the compliment - but it's true.
I remember debating how my father and I would settle on one guy. God showed it was possible in the form of a man man who was raised here but still carried on his cultural roots and maintained a professional American life.
His family also puts a huge importance on family.
The opposite was true for me. I didn't expect or see my family every week. We made family get-to-gethers occasional and special. My siblings and I would debate if we wanted to go to relatives houses' depending on the duration of the visit. Sometimes we had legitimate reasons, other times we just didn't know how to fill the silence.
Alhamdulillah as I grew older and slowly understood the importance of family and realized the value family relations are given in the Quran, I put in more effort.
"Blood relations are closer to one another in the Book of Allah. Allah has knowledge of all things. (8:75)"
Even though it was often hard to talk to some family members, fearing God I would try to break the silence.
"You who believe! Be upholders of justice, bearing witness for Allah alone, even against yourselves or your parents and relatives. Whether they are rich or poor, Allah is well able to look after them. Do not follow your own desires and deviate from the truth. If you twist or turn away, Allah is aware of what you do. (4:135)"
God says those who break ties with their families are cursed.
"But if you held command, you were sure to make mischief in the land and cut off the ties of kinship. Those it is whom Allah has cursed, so He has made them deaf and blinded their eyes. (Surah Muhammad 22-23)"
Similarly Prophet Muhammad (sws) said the 2nd worst deeds one can do is server ties with family.
A man approached the Holy Prophet (S) and enquired, “What is the worst deed in the eyes of Allah?”
The Holy Prophet (S) replied,
“To attribute partners to Allah.”
The man then asked, “After this which is the worst sin?”
The Holy Prophet (S) said:
“To sever relations”.
After this the same person asked, “After this which is the worst sin?”
The Holy Prophet (S) replied:
“To enjoin the evil and to forbid the good (deeds).”
(al-Kāfi)
On the other hand, I miss my friends.
I spend about 5 percent of my time with friends. I go to get-togethers once in a while, simultaneously worrying about the family I'm leaving behind at home.
As my friend Ruma often says, "You'll get used to it," when I tell her about new experiences.
Alhamdulillah, I'm so grateful for my friends and family.
"The friends shall on that day (of judgment) be enemies of each other except those who guard against evil.(Zukhruf:67)"
What is gaurding evil? Friends and family who are God-fearing:
"The men and women from among the believers are friends of each other. They call the people towards goodness and piety and abstain from evil and transgression. They uphold the prayer, pay the poor-rate (zakaat) and obey Allah and His Prophet (s.a.w.s.). Indeed, these are the ones for whom Allah shall soon manifest His mercy and grace. Verily Allah is all-powerful, and the most wise.(Al Imran:71)"
We will be raised with those whom we love. It's not about chosing between friends or family. We need both. Therefore let us be the best to them and let them be the best to us, Inshallah.
(Picture from countryclipart.com)
We have aunts and uncles but it seemed so different then, when we were teenagers and we were lost with words when it came to relatives.
The conversations went like this:
Assalam Walaikum ___________.
How are you? Good.
How's school going? Good.
(long pause and boredness)
Eat eat. Come eat.
(another long silence)
Okay, goodnight. Come over.
The End.
Thanks to my understanding patient parents, I enjoyed the company of my friends. I went where I wanted, many times with my parents dropping us off to make sure we didn't wander off. Other times as I got older and "knew better" I was able to let them know where I was going and spend time with my girls.
Now it's different.
I never understood the meaning of family until I got married.
I was telling my husband yesterday, "You know the things I don't get, now I get them thanks to you...you know the family cultural expectations and formalities. I'm not that smart when it comes to that stuff, but you are. That's why my parents got me married to you."
He politely and modestly declined the compliment - but it's true.
I remember debating how my father and I would settle on one guy. God showed it was possible in the form of a man man who was raised here but still carried on his cultural roots and maintained a professional American life.
His family also puts a huge importance on family.
The opposite was true for me. I didn't expect or see my family every week. We made family get-to-gethers occasional and special. My siblings and I would debate if we wanted to go to relatives houses' depending on the duration of the visit. Sometimes we had legitimate reasons, other times we just didn't know how to fill the silence.
Alhamdulillah as I grew older and slowly understood the importance of family and realized the value family relations are given in the Quran, I put in more effort.
"Blood relations are closer to one another in the Book of Allah. Allah has knowledge of all things. (8:75)"
Even though it was often hard to talk to some family members, fearing God I would try to break the silence.
"You who believe! Be upholders of justice, bearing witness for Allah alone, even against yourselves or your parents and relatives. Whether they are rich or poor, Allah is well able to look after them. Do not follow your own desires and deviate from the truth. If you twist or turn away, Allah is aware of what you do. (4:135)"
God says those who break ties with their families are cursed.
"But if you held command, you were sure to make mischief in the land and cut off the ties of kinship. Those it is whom Allah has cursed, so He has made them deaf and blinded their eyes. (Surah Muhammad 22-23)"
Similarly Prophet Muhammad (sws) said the 2nd worst deeds one can do is server ties with family.
A man approached the Holy Prophet (S) and enquired, “What is the worst deed in the eyes of Allah?”
The Holy Prophet (S) replied,
“To attribute partners to Allah.”
The man then asked, “After this which is the worst sin?”
The Holy Prophet (S) said:
“To sever relations”.
After this the same person asked, “After this which is the worst sin?”
The Holy Prophet (S) replied:
“To enjoin the evil and to forbid the good (deeds).”
(al-Kāfi)
On the other hand, I miss my friends.
I spend about 5 percent of my time with friends. I go to get-togethers once in a while, simultaneously worrying about the family I'm leaving behind at home.
As my friend Ruma often says, "You'll get used to it," when I tell her about new experiences.
Alhamdulillah, I'm so grateful for my friends and family.
"The friends shall on that day (of judgment) be enemies of each other except those who guard against evil.(Zukhruf:67)"
What is gaurding evil? Friends and family who are God-fearing:
"The men and women from among the believers are friends of each other. They call the people towards goodness and piety and abstain from evil and transgression. They uphold the prayer, pay the poor-rate (zakaat) and obey Allah and His Prophet (s.a.w.s.). Indeed, these are the ones for whom Allah shall soon manifest His mercy and grace. Verily Allah is all-powerful, and the most wise.(Al Imran:71)"
We will be raised with those whom we love. It's not about chosing between friends or family. We need both. Therefore let us be the best to them and let them be the best to us, Inshallah.
(Picture from countryclipart.com)
Friday, November 13, 2009
The things that replace us, and them.
Women crave compliments, attention and communication with their husbands. Instead they're replaced with the TV, web surfing, other relatives or their kids. Similarly men are replaced with Facebook, Twitter and other Internet social networks, by women.
What would we do without our "replacements?"
What would happen if we didn't have access to those outlets? Well, we'd go crazy of course.
For men, it's unwinding after a long day at work. Small things count. Men still enjoy getting hot-and-ready food the moment they come home from a long day at work and the 15-minute company while they're divulging their meal.
Women don't mind being "replaced" as long as men are pretending to listen or throw in a couple of "yes, sure" or nods in agreement to what they're saying. A hug or compliment can help after a long day without their attention :)
These are the links that keep us bonded. They help us fulfill our duties.
In the Quran God says, "They are your garments and ye are their garments, (2:187)" referring to an analogy that clothes cover our imperfections and so do husbands and wives.
What would we do without our social networks? What would they do without TV?
We'd drive each other nuts.
May God guide and protect us. May He help us fulfill our duties towards our spouses.
P.S. An interesting article regarding protecting marriage against friends online.
"Is Facebook a Cyber-Threat to your Marriage?"
http://marriagejunkie.com/2009/01/22/is-facebook-a-cyber-threat-to-your-marriage/
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