Paternal Uncles

My Uncles - Mom's brothers.

When I was seven years old, I remember being told that my oldest maternal uncle was "a caution sign". It was hard to talk to him or get anything out of him except a grunt. He would always tell us to be quiet. We barley saw him smile and I almost thought he had no sense of humor. Then he got married.

We first met Boro Mami (Uncle's wife) in Bangladesh on our first visit back. Mama was spending the summer there as well. He seemed so much more relaxed and spirited. Her house was fun, we stayed for two days. I chased chickens, saw monkeys up close for the first time and met people who I thought of as family.

Granted I haven't seen my uncle for 10 years, except for a brief greeting at a wedding five years ago. He lives 10 hours away by car, and two and-a-half hours by plane. I miss him. Can't believe I said that.

His conversations are short but they are sweet and love-filled. My family (mom, dad, brothers, sister) are visiting his family right now. Mom hasn't seen him in years either. Hope everyone's enjoying their time together.

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We called maternal uncle #2 "funny uncle" because he was a joker and would always make us laugh. Compared to #1, he was cool and memorable. After he got married he became the serious type.

He does joke once in a while. I see with my youngest brother. He's great with kids. Seeing him as a father was unreal, but he's awesome. Now he's quite far away. I was able to see him for the past few years but honestly we didn't spend as much time together as we could've.

My cousins are beautiful kids. My aunt, she's chill. We met her family in Bangladesh during a summer vacation which helped me find something more to talk about.

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Then #3 was a serious type as well. On the other hand, he was very creative and almost an artist and engineer by nature. He could trace things to be quite exact and fix video cassette players in moments.He has adorable twin sons, who look like my youngest brother.

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Lastly, #4 is a bit of a mix. He's serious and easy-going. At times he would be very goofy and smiles a lot. However at other times, he can't stand any noise and wants things to happen pronto. As a child he used to be my favorite. As I got older we used to fight. And now, well he's the only one I have close by. He's down-to-earth and the one who relates to us best.

He make's me who I am: Important men in my life

At  50, he's as energetic as he was when he was 37. Although strict as ever, he is fun and funny. He can make you laugh when he agrees with you. He is patient when it comes to his kids but mighty when it comes to his roles. He doesn't expect a thank you but he is always happy when people are happy with him. He loves to laugh but dislikes when you laugh at him. While I was going to college he was supportive of me. He took me back-and-forth from class to home, quickly reminding me my child comes first and I need to get home as quickly as possible. At the same time, he had his days when he'd take me to his home and urge me to eat something, as I was in his eyes, a busy mother attending school. His affection is his warmth, something you can feel when he walks into a room.

A decade younger, he's my shadow. This young man just turned 17. I still remember the times I jumped for joy when hearing about his potential arrival. He was my prize when he was born, and he is now my mirror. Since a tender age he has been about the truth, and tells it like it is. From dressing right to accompanying his family, he's the quiet young boy who turned into a teen.

He's my opposite. He's the quiet shy guy with a smile. Almost 30, his maturity enables to him to balance the ability to console, guide and direct. Elders come to his doorstep for consultation, while the youth adore his laid-back style. He is neutral minded. His eyes are full of warmth. Dressed in casual clothes, perfection is his middle name. He is cultural, professional and family-oriented.

New House, Environment And Wisdom From The Past

Seven miles north from Detroit, there is a simple 2-story half white brick house with four rooms. Most of our guests laugh at the place we now call home, noting there are two extra rooms. We bought the house to fit us and share the space with those we care about.

We left behind the arson-ridden homes, the druggies across the street who knocked on our door in the middle of the night, and the people who peeped outside curtains or doors to see who was passing by.

You could smell curry down the street. That's the place I once called home.

Today I wake with my liberty, but knowing at heart who I really am. Who I've become. 

Quran Reflection: Teach Children Accountability, Uphold Justice

Hours ago I was plagued with a question in my mind. How do you find balance between family members who are just and uphold what is right versus those who are blind to the reality? How do you 'show them the light?' The answer is clear in Surah Hud, 42-47:

In the beginning of the story Prophet Nuh is commanded by Allah swt to embark onto an ark he had built through Allah's command, with the believers. Nuh (as) tells his son to join him. His son seeks refuge from the rain and flooding by running to the top of a mountain.

"So it (the ship) sailed with them amidst the waves like mountains, and Nuh (Noah) called out to his son, who had separated himself (apart), "O my son! Embark with us and be not with the disbelievers. The son replied: "I will betake myself to a mountain, it will save me from the water." Nuh (Noah) said: "This day there is no savior from the Decree of Allah except him on whom He has mercy." And a wave came in between them, so he (the son) was among the drowned. (11:42-43)

Prophet Nuh (as) lost his son. After days of continuous flooding Allah commanded the waters to stop pouring from the heavens and from gushing up from the earth. The disbelievers were destroyed in this flood.

“And it was said: "O earth! Swallow up your water, and O sky! Withhold (your rain)." And the water was diminished (made to subside) and the Decree (of Allah) was fulfilled (i.e. the destruction of the people of Nuh (Noah). And it (the ship) rested on Mount Judi, and it was said: ‘Away with the people who are Zalimun (polytheists and wrong-doing)!’ (11:44).”

Prophet Nuh (as) begged for his son, pleading and questioning why his son was taken away from him. Nuh said he understood Allah’s judgment is true but he questioned Him.

“And Nuh (Noah) called upon his Lord and said, "O my Lord! Verily, my son is of my family! And certainly, Your Promise is true, and You are the Most Just of the judges (11:45).”

The human nature of a woman, mother and person does this to us – we attempt to save our children by loving them. We think we can solve their problems by showering them with love. However Allah’s decree is final. Saying that, parents should be cautious to withhold justice and teach children accountability rather than letting them off the hook and ‘forgiving them’ time and time again. Tough love.

Allah explains in Surah Hud: 46:

He said: "O Nuh (Noah)! Surely, he is not of your family; verily, his work is unrighteous, so ask not of Me that of which you have no knowledge! I admonish you, lest you be one of the ignorants.”

Allah also explains although you have a nuclear family or a blood family, the people who you should consider the believers as your family. They are the ones who can help you. Allah also warns Prophet Nuh (as) from becoming ignorant. The Prophets were held to higher standards of belief in Allah, and were expected to be a spiritual moral leader and warner. A small mistake on their end was considered big to Allah.

Therefore Prophet Nuh (as) apologized for his mistake. “Nuh (Noah) said: ‘O my Lord! I seek refuge with You from asking You that of which I have no knowledge. And unless You forgive me and have Mercy on me, I would indeed be one of the losers’ (11:47).”

She looks at me with eyes so wide
Waiting for me to fill them with happiness
I can't fill them

I look back open-eyed
Wondering what do I even have
To give back

My head spins
My eyes pool up
They swell with the fear I have

An ant too small
To climb the mountain
Fears so deep
We drown in them

The top of the mountain just falls to the side
The world is shaking with these fears...
And we can't find a way to glide on the breeze

We wait instead for peace and ease
Neither can we achieve
By simply being passive

Fall is near
The resurrection ever so clear
Need to learn how to
Reseruct my soul

Walking for comfort

I woke up Monday morning and noticed pains, cramping every hour or so. I had a feeling, and a few clues that perhaps I'd be going to the hospital later.

I told my husband as he walked out to go to work, today we may go to the hospital. Just giving you a heads up. He looked uncertain.

The day passed by. I went to look at house (to buy) and spend my next hours in await. I didn't say anything to my mother-in-law, but told my sister-in-law about the "news," my contractions.

According to my OBGYN I was already 3 1/2 cm dilated, 80 percent effaced and baby was sitting low. Baby would be on its way at any moment. So I had been living in fear of my water breaking during the night. And not knowing. Or being at work by myself. My mind was overloaded with paranoia.

At 6 p.m. Monday afternoon, I decided I would go to the hospital even though my contractions were not close enough. I couldn't wait any longer.

I gave my husband dinner, we prayed Isha, the last prayer of the day in Islam, said goodbye to our families and headed to the hospital around 8 p.m.

A month before I had been there...in the same hospital exam room thinking it was time. It wasn't. This time the nurse told me, "You've been here before so you know what to do." Two hours later the doctor said, "You're not quite ready. You have two options. You can walk around the hospital lobby for two hours or go home and come back when you're more comfortable."

I stayed.

I said, "I'm not going to walk around if I go home." I thought to myself, or be more comfortable. I rather not drive back in the middle of the night while baby is coming out.

We grabbed dinner, a subway tuna sandwich, and I started walking.

First I walked in an eerie hallway where there were no people. I couldn't help but think of jinns, spirits. There was the rumbling of machines. Most, if not all, of the doors were locked. A bare nurse station looked like it hadn't been used in months. There were no voices. After a few strolls up and down the hallway, I told my husband we needed a new place to walk.

Downstairs in the main hospital hallway, there was too much traffic. It seemed we were walking past the same people.

Lastly we went to the opposite lobby where the main lights had been turned off. There were a few dim lights. The security guards were no longer sitting at their post. The lobby was empty from visitors or people waiting to inside. The doors were locked from the outside. I could hear a few footsteps off into the distance and an occasional door would open near the women's bathroom. It was the perfect spot.

One side of the lobby was icy cold, the other warm. I circulated from one side to the other. My legs grew tired and slowly were getting "numb."

Toward the end of the 2 1/2 hour walk, I took 5-minute breaks sitting. And then walked some more. My husband couldn't keep his eyes open. He fiddled with his phone to keep himself up. I insisted he take a nap, to save up energy of what could await us later.

Delivery.

Security guards

Two weeks ago I walked into the hospital to deliver my second child.
The security guard asked where I was going? Another guard stood close by.

Me: "Labor and delivery"
Guard: "To deliver?"
Me: "Yes."
Guard: "Are you pregnant?"
Me: "Yes"
Other guard: "How many months?"
Me: "9"
Guard: "Ok. Good luck."

Thanks to puffy jackets and big hijabs :)