Hush Little Baby, Don't You Cry.

Bittersweet

2011-10-12T22:04:00.000-07:00

Long stays at my parents' house...
No longer the place I call home.
Get away relax and do nothing all day.
But then I get a little bored.

Help with basic chores,
Visit neighbors who you haven't seen in a while,
Tell your family to stop by,
Give the students time to do their homework.

The first days are the best
When people are happy to see you.
It's like you've been gone all along
But I visit every week or two.

The later days become gloomy,
With lack of motivation to do something useful.
The downtime is wonderful
But the husband gone makes it dreadful.

Just toward the end of the visit
I want to run back home,
Stop making people give up their schedules,
Invading bedrooms, beds and normal life.

But by the end of the week
I am tired, worn-out
Restless and lacking sleep
Feeling like I've jumped in ice

Cold nervous and confused
I feel rejuvenated cared for
The stay is happy sad annoying,
Oh so bittersweet.

Note: This poem is about the times I visit my parents and stay for 2-6 days. It is a traditional practice to give girls a chance to reunite with their families and take some time off.

The way things work:

2011-10-11T10:43:00.001-07:00

they pull all the resources together

asking people of their personal lives

then they put this information to cater

in their personal files

holding onto every detail

to stretch apart and analyze

what does this information entail?

well, many many lies

assumption is a poison

taking a dangerous toll

when you fill your life with erosion

you'll always fall into the "black hole"

when you worry about other's lives

you forget to live

so-and-so's husband, so-and-so's wife

you are robbing inner peace and forgetting to give

why worry too much

who did what and what they didn't do

one day even you will fuss

over thing things they used to

10

2011-09-23T18:55:00.000-07:00

Marriage
Two people
Now three R's
An unbelievable surreal experience
To live with someone else
To call strangers your own family
To love and forget about the worldly longings
Embrace what comes your way for the best
Hold onto your dreams and let go of the rest
Such youth never returns why let this time go to waste?

Affection

2011-08-26T08:06:00.000-07:00

Lately my husband and I have been having a hard time communicating. His face is tightened by a smile-less no-frown look. His eyes burn from lack of sleep. He is cranky and less apologetic.

We need a vacation.

What I've noticed when you live in a multi-family home is: there's not much private time.

Every six months or so we try to get away leaving all the family dimensions, friends invitations, most cell-phone calls to an end. We spend time with each other, whether it be 24 hours or four days a week.

I truly believe all couples need down time. Not all can get it the same way.

My cousin who also lives with her in-laws, but does not have as many family members, is able to get out on date-nights more often. For us it often entails a tail end to a necessary shopping trip or a planned out "there's nothing you can do about it" weekend.

Our next plan is to visit our homeland. We will not be alone but at least it will take us back to the roots of our lives, where we were born and perhaps helps us understand each other better.

This owes to a new conversation and perhaps a greater form of affection.

Spreading Goodness

2011-08-24T22:52:00.000-07:00

Abu Mas'ud 'Uqba ibn 'Amr al-Ansari al-Badri reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Anyone who shows the way to something good has the same reward as the person who does it." [Muslim]

This hadith shows that by spreading good, you can only get good.

What are small good deeds you can do? Give people good advice. Smile at your parents. Help a mother carry her belongings (especially if she has a small child). Call people to check up on them. Give people gifts.

The rewards are plenty, Inshallah, God willing.

Five Muslim Magazines to Know

2011-08-19T03:39:00.000-07:00

Candor Magazine and blogs
candorstyles.com
A Canadian magazine for Muslim life.

Emel
emel.com
Muslim lifestyle magazine in the UK

SISTERS Magazine
sisters-magazine.com
A magazine for Muslim women around the world.

AlJumuah
aljumuah.comA Muslim family lifestyle magazine based in Wisconsin.

Little Explorers Magazine
littleexplorersmagazine.co.uk/storeA magazine for kids!

Seeking forgiveness from Allah, repentance

2011-08-03T23:31:00.001-07:00

أسْتَغْفِرُ اللَّهَ وَ أتُوبُ إلَيْهِ
Astaghfirullaha wa atūūbu ilai(hi) (I seek the Forgiveness of Allah and repent to Him.)
[to be reicted 100 times during the day] [Sahih al Bukhari, Muslim 4:2075]

http://www.islamawareness.net/Repentance/repentance.html

Duas for Asking for Forgiveness from God
http://www.soundvision.com/info/islam/forgivenessdua.asp

More duas for repentance
http://www.islamawareness.net/Dua/forgiveness.html

Getting over it

2011-08-03T23:29:00.000-07:00

Bismillah.

Well aware of the rights that belong between us
I am trying my best to recover
God does not have mercy on those who do not show mercy to others
Let us not be doing it for the wrong reasons

Let us cleanse ourselves of faults
Overlook the faults of others
Remove the thorn of jealousy
Remove the string of hate

Faith is our strong point
Our point of intercession
Nor did God command us to get along
But He demanded ease by religion

Ramadan Look-ups

2011-08-02T23:39:00.000-07:00

Quick Rewarding Dhikrs - http://fastaqim.blogspot.com/2007/05/dhikr.html

lovemuslim twitter tweets - https://twitter.com/#!/lovemuslim

Don't Be Sad pdf - http://d1.islamhouse.com/data/en/ih_books/single/en_Do_not_be_Sad.pdf

Proactive Web Surfing

2011-08-01T23:52:00.000-07:00

Ramadan Checklist of small deeds - http://www.iloveallaah.com/ramadan/Ramadan_checklist.pdf

Concentrating in Salat - http://aymenn.wordpress.com/2008/10/08/concentration-in-salahpractical-helpful-tips/

33 ways of developing khushoo - http://web.youngmuslims.ca/online_library/books/33_ways_of_developing_khushu_in_salah/index.htm

Questions asked on the Day of Judgment - http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=7&ID=12761&CATE=1

Kindness to others

2011-06-30T08:37:00.000-07:00

Islamic teachings for better husband-wife relationship:
http://www.islamicresearch.org/Pages/tips_for_a_better_husband_and_wi.htm

The Noble Qur'an 42:43

And verily, whosoever shows patience and forgives that would truly be from the things recommended by Allah.

Hadith - Muslim & Bukhari
"Allah is not kind to him who is not kind to people."

Hadith - Tirmidhi
"The most perfect of the believers is the best of you in character, and the best of you are those among you who are best to their wives."

“Beware of suspicion. Suspicion is the most untrue speech. Do not spy and do not eavesdrop. Do not compete with each other and do not envy each other and do not hate each other and do not shun each other. Be slaves of Allah, brothers.”

{Book 47, Number 47.4.15 : Malik’s Muttawa}

Narrated Umar ibn al-Khattab:

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: the same occasion: Help the oppressed (sorrowful) and guide those who have lost their way.

{Book 41, Number 4799: Sunan Abu-Dawud}

Narrated Abu Huraira:

Allah’s Apostle said, “Whoever has oppressed another person concerning his reputation or anything else, he should beg him to forgive him before the Day of Resurrection when there will be no money (to compensate for wrong deeds), but if he has good deeds, those good deeds will be taken from him according to his oppression which he has done, and if he has no good deeds, the sins of the oppressed person will be loaded on him.”

{Volume 3, Book 43, Number 629: Sahih Bukhari}

Narrated ‘Abdullah bin Umar:

Allah’s Apostle said, “A Muslim is a brother of another Muslim, so he should not oppress him, nor should he hand him over to an oppressor. Whoever fulfilled the needs of his brother, Allah will fulfill his needs; whoever brought his (Muslim) brother out of a discomfort, Allah will bring him out of the discomforts of the Day of Resurrection, and whoever screened a Muslim, Allah will screen him on the Day of Resurrection .”

{Book 43, Volume 3, Number 622: Sahih Buhari}

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:

“Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or he is oppressed.” The Prophet was asked: “It is right to help him if he is oppressed, but how should we help him if he is an oppressor?” He replied: “By preventing him from oppressing others.”

{Sahih Bukhari, Volume 3, Hadith 624}

Don't Be Sad: p 265-275

2011-06-22T22:50:00.000-07:00

Allah swt expects us to strive to do something, to promote the name of Islam and the Word of God on Earth. WE all will get their our own ways, with His help.

Without striving, patience and perseverance, there is no success. Putting resources into ourselves and others will help us obtain the best of both worlds Inshallah.

http://www.kalamullah.com/Books/Dont%20Be%20Sad.pdf

2011-06-14T18:15:00.000-07:00

I hope someday
When I am in the same place
I am able to hold my tongue
And withhold what I feel
Unless it has something to do with faith

Why worship some
And leave others hanging
How much honor do some deserve
That they turn the other way

At times when there is nothing to do
I feel lost and lonely too
People have rights both ways
Some of those things from before
Have stayed the same

Shouldn't you honor us too
When we say we'll do something
Let us do it
Don't dispatch us to shame

In my heart I bear a pain
When I feel this the only thing that can help me
Is Allah swt
His Majesty, The Merciful and The Magnificent

2011-06-10T18:15:00.000-07:00

Today is a new day. A fresh start at the beginning.
There will always be things we have no control over, and others we need to put more effort in.

[Husband's Fam] At times we think we don't need certain people's company, however every relationship for the sake of Allah is a good one. When people make time for us, we should be appreciative of them and their hospitality.

My sister-in-law is gone for two months. She went on vacation with her kids. The house is empty but nevertheless there are still people; 5 adults and 1 baby.

[The Baby] He screams. He cries. He is normal. He does what he always does. He is a baby. He seems to realize his cousins aren't around but not that they won't be around for much longer. He is sick.

[Sis] She doesn't realize what I do. She won't until she gets there. I just hope and wish and pray the best for you. May Allah guide you there.

[Friends] I wish I could be more present in your lives. I wish we could understand each others' lives. Things have changed dramatically and sometimes I feel so helpless to dare and to live that life I once did. I wish sometimes you would call me to see how I am doing. To see if I'm okay. To hear me out and ask questions and sometimes just to talk like we once did.

[Married Friends] I always knew I'd have to make friends with girls who were married or else I wouldn't stay sane. Thank you for being there, for having similar struggles and for listening with an open ear.

[Parents] It's different now. We are closer. We can almost read each other. Relationships change. There will always be room for improvement.

2011-06-01T08:03:00.001-07:00

A neat little list of dua's for children. It's nice and random too with a wide scope of topics including how to gain wisdom and attain success.

Enjoy.

http://www.islamic-world.net/children/daily_read/dailydua.htm

For adults:

http://www.islamawareness.net/Dua/Fortress/

2011-05-31T16:23:00.001-07:00

http://www.parents.com/recipe/ice-cream/banana-split/

What husband?

2011-05-20T21:51:00.000-07:00

My mother-in-law called her oldest grandchildren to ask them how they were doing. She then said, "You have to do a little bit of everything. Don't expect your (future) husband to spoon-feed you," to my oldest niece.

I was washing the dishes.

I said, "What does she know about husbands?"

My niece is 15.

"She knows," said my mother-in-law, as she continued giving her advice.

I'm just saying, I started off. "In this country girls don't like when people talk about (future) husbands...they don't like that stuff." Just tell them they should learn how to do things, I said.

She switched gears.

"Wash the dishes if there are any in the sink," my mother-in-law said. "If your father wants to eat there should be clean dishes ready for him," she explained. "You girls don't know any of these things."

"You can't just go to school come home and do homework. You have to learn how to do chores."

No mention of a husband this time.

I think she gets it.

2011-05-19T10:56:00.000-07:00

Sometimes there is a need to get away.
To find a quiet place.
That place is within myself.
A place sometimes dark and cold.

What happens to us is a reflection of our deeds.
Or a trial of patience indeed.

My list of Inshallah's (God-Willings)

2011-04-29T21:00:00.000-07:00

Hang out with girls just for fun.
Throw a big party.
Take a studio picture with hubby.
Take a studio pic of baby, finally.

Buy a house
Do something.

Improve my faith.
Improve my space.

Eat right.
Exercise just a little bit.

Gain a little more healthy weight.
Help baby gain healthy weight.

Understand the dynamics of family life.
Live up to God, my own and family expectations.

Answer

2011-04-29T20:58:00.000-07:00

Listen will you please?
It's as if I'm talking to myself,
And I can't get out of my head.

Why?
I simply don't know.
The answer is very complicated.

How?
What happened happened, baas
How is this story supposed to end?

When people fight
They don't know what they did
And why they did it

But when people repent
They realize how they did what they did
Yet they can't get themselves out.

2011-04-13T18:42:00.001-07:00

Talking but not speaking about anything.
Just silence with a few nods and pokes.
Small talk is the biggest life saver of awkward moments.
Relationships will go through a roller coaster ride.

It's the way of life.

2011-04-11T21:46:00.000-07:00

He looks into the computer screen,
Rubbing his eyes to move away the sleep.
With his forehead creased, his mouth scrunched up
He clicks and clicks again.

The mouse has been doing what it does for hours
The computer has been running for long.
The light illuminating the desk filled with manila folders
Names splashed across the front.

The days grow long and weary
Today his meal was delayed for five hours.
His family await his return to normal life
When the season will end and he will become normal again.

The Middle

2011-04-09T22:53:00.000-07:00

You are quiet but I see the silence muffled behind your thoughts.

It's hard to open up and ask you how you are.

You may not believe I've played an important part.

At times I do not want to get in the middle. That is where I'll always be.

If it weren't for the connections and suspensions we share, we'd be lost in two worlds apart.

Forgive me if I haven't been thoughtful, aggressive, or if I don't see where you're coming from.

I've long ago let go of that hope to make others understand me.

Respect is a thing that is shared between people. Those who don't give it won't receive it.

Relationships are a network of ties. You break one and it effects the others.

You cannot go on without others. Humankind was not built that way.

If you only could comprehend the bigger picture, the road of forgiveness and the hardship of patience... it would have made you happier.

Should, could, would...doesn't always change everything. But trying never gets old.

Just beyond your knowledge I am facing another battle. I am too afraid to share. Too afraid to spread the fire. If only I had spoken more clearly, loudly, and firmly. I didn't. If only I was more courageous and I was more willing to get in the middle.

Those who stand for righteousness will suffer the trials of this world.

Those who never try will suffer the anguish of silence and rejection.

Untitled.

2011-04-07T12:33:00.000-07:00

In the name of God, Most Gracious Most Merciful.

For those who don't listen
I am here to hear
For those who cry
I will dry up your tears
For those who can't watch
I will be your eyes
For those who don't know
I will help you find out

For the times I can't
God is there
For the times I won't
God is there
For the times I shouldn't
God is there
For the times I wouldn't
God was there

For every tear that falls
There will be a million more
For every time you shout
Time will be frozen to the core
For the memories you create
Erase what is bad
For the memories you want to make
Repeat recycle and restore

For the times you felt broken
Put yourself back together
For the hardships you have endured
Patience is your cane
For the happiness you received
Be thankful to your Lord
For the wishes you were granted
You will be given many more, God-willing

For the petals that fall from the leaves
Even they, remember God
For the animals that go about their ways
Even they remember The Lord
For the clouds that line the sky
They obey the command they have been endured
For the world is a temporary place
The only comfort lies with The Lord

Beautiful

2011-03-31T23:41:00.000-07:00

If you want to know anything about Muslim style, my friend D has the hijabi married girl cultural yet stylish hook-up.
Her sister-in-law T has the best words for comfort, "I looked at you and wondered how to become more slim."
D's mom said, "You look beautiful but gosh don't you eat?"

B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L is something I forget, cannot or don't want to be.
With non-mahram family members living with me, it's a challenge to dress or doll up.
And with a mother-in-law who is an indoor hijabi too (she covers her hair even in front of her husband most of the time), I don't even show my hair to her.

The other day my sister-in-law mentioned it's haram to wear make-up in front of other guys. Time to put away my eyeliners. I know it's for the best but sometimes I almost want to say, well should I wear my make-up to bed? (To impress my husband.)

Privacy is a luxury for some. And yet I tell myself if I lived on my own I wouldn't have dressed up that much anyways :) I shouldn't think about those things. When you're married it's easier to take attraction for granted, although your spouse should be the first and most important person you dress up for.

Allah knows best.

Reflections

2011-03-07T21:21:00.000-08:00

The Hereafter is close.

What is one way to obtain the best of this world and the Hereafter? Maintaining ties with people.

The Prophet Muhammad (sallahu wa alayhissalam) said:
Love people for the sake of God.

Allah will ask on the Day of Judgment: “Where are those who loved each other for the sake of My glory? Today, on a day when there is no shade but Mine, I shall shade them with My shade.” (Muslim)

Like what you like, and like it for others too for the sake of God.

It was related from Anas, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "None of you can truly be said to believe until he wants for his brother what he wants for himself."

Keep your hands and tongue to yourself for the sake of God.

Abu Musa, may Allah be pleased with him, said, "They said, 'Messenger of Allah, whose Islam is best?' He said, 'The one from whose tongue and hands the Muslims are safe.' "

"Rabbanathina fid'dunya hasanathun wafil akhirathi hasanatun wakina adhaaban'nar" - Our Lord! Grant us good in this world and good in the hereafter, and save us from the chastisement of the fire.

May Allah help us increase our iman and sustain the best of both worlds. Ameen.

Words of Wisdom from our Creator who Created

2011-03-04T07:05:00.001-08:00

"O mankind! if ye have a doubt about the Resurrection, (consider) that We created you out of dust, then out of sperm, then out of a leech-like clot, then out of a morsel of flesh, partly formed and partly unformed, in order that We may manifest (our power) to you; and We cause whom We will to rest in the wombs for an appointed term, then do We bring you out as babes, then (foster you) that ye may reach your age of full strength; and some of you are called to die, and some are sent back to the feeblest old age, so that they know nothing after having known (much), and (further), thou seest the earth barren and lifeless, but when We pour down rain on it, it is stirred (to life), it swells, and it puts forth every kind of beautiful growth (in pairs). (22:5)"

Trials, hardship and ease

2011-03-03T15:28:00.000-08:00

There may be a thing you like which is not good for you and you may not like a thing that is.

"But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But God knoweth, and ye know not." (Quran 2:216)

We wish for things we don't understand. And when we get them we repent. Subhanallah Allah blesses our lives with so many blessings and we ignore this.

I have a large family and it's interesting how things go into play. You can have your own schedule but it must match up with the family members' lives. In some cases this can drag you down, but for me it pulls me up. Even I don't always realize this.

Some changes I've noticed in myself:
More likely to stay home when it's for the best of my child.
Help husband for the reward.
Able to participate in household chores for reward.

Some hardships are blessings in disguise.
Help others with chores they start.
Listen to advice from elders on matters that seem mundane.

Transition from American teen to housewife

2011-01-02T14:02:00.000-08:00

I was raised in a home where I didn't see my extended family a lot. And therefore I had a lot of friends, who I would go to with my problems, and to hang out.

And then I got married into a household in which the family are your friends. They are the ones you associate with, sit together at weddings with, talk to and cherish. You hang out with them and go where they go...and you kind of put a halt on the "more American" notion of friends.

In the Bangladeshi culture, even about 30 years ago, girls who were married into the family became part of the servitude and order of the household. They did the cooking, cleaning, childbearing, and entertaining guests of the family. Sometimes that included their own relatives, but hardly any friends.

Women were close to their mother-in-laws by befriending them or treating them like their own mothers (hopefully with respect).

But there was no need for friends. No need for all-girls hang-outs. No need to hang out with your husband alone. No need to go to the store, the husband could get anything you needed and forget anything you wanted. There was no need to go to parties and weddings. If you couldn't make it, it was all out of the family need.

For example, the family's guests will come over (sometimes unannounced or all-of-a-sudden) and you have to go somewhere. Do you go or stay? For some families this is shameful if the bride leaves the house while guests are over unless it's something important such as going to school/college.

Now this is the dilemma: How do you balance both ends?
For example, if you grew up in America and are not accustomed to the culture, how do you deal with sacrificing invitations, get-togethers and hanging out alone with your friends?

There will also be situations you can't take/ go with your husband, he is not available to chaperon and he is not welcome. At the same time you can't give up your friendships and according to hadiths, you should keep invitations to strengthen relationships. You should also obey your husband. And you should also make them understand.

But should you sacrifice your in-laws for friends? Should you let your friends hang? If you don't have friends should you make new friends (in a new city)?

There is another hadith that says two friends who love each other for the sake of Allah will be protected by Allah's shade on the Day of Judgment when there is no shade. (That mean's we CAN have friends folks).

Something to contemplate.

Reviving the Islamic Spirit: the annual faith recharger

2010-12-30T20:18:00.000-08:00

`I just got back from a trip from downtown Toronto, Canada at the 9th annual Reviving the Islamic Spirit Convention, "Rules for the Road of Life - Reviving the 10 Commandments in the Modern World" during Christmas weekend.

The convention is a yearly effort usually during Christmas break to revitalize Islam - especially in the youth- overcome misconceptions and strengthen society at large. It's not only for Muslims either. There are non-Muslims who attend, evident by the handful of people who convert on-the-spot at the convention.

Speakers come from around the world, including the United Kingdom, the United States and Canada.

The program attracts nearly 400 volunteers (as of 2009), and up to 20,000 participants.

RIS has annual themes - this year's was the 10 Commandments given to Prophet Moses - and honored by the three Abrahamic faiths: Christianity, Judaism and Islam. A similar set of guidelines was given to Noah, also known as the seven Noahide Laws.

Summed up in 10 rules: (1) not associate anything with God, (2) do not make any carved images, (3) do not take the name of your Lord in vain, (4) remember the Sabbath is holy (as Jummah is for Muslims) (5) honor your parents (6) do not commit murder (7) do not commit adultery (8) do not steal (9) do not bear false testament against your neighbor and (10) do not covet (take from that which is not yours).

RIS took the Islamic and humanity aspect of the 10 commandments to look for clues on how these instructions still apply in the modern world and how following the commandments effect life.

Muslims are a part of the Human Family:

The three-day weekend long lectures and speeches hosted topics reaffirmed the necessity of having morals, tolerance, and accepting others and working together for the sake of humanity.

Sherman Abdal Hakim Jackson, professor of Arabic and Islamic Studies at the University of Michigan, said those who are on the wrong side of the 10 commandments, they will not be a part of the moral code of society.

To do this, Jackson said Muslims need to abide by the same rules they expect from non-Muslims.

"We want non-Muslims to be truthful about us. What do we say about them?," he said, referring to journalists who cover the Muslim populations fairly.

Jackson said fairness comes with a price.

Aisha (radiallah-hu-anha) said Prophet Muhammad (sallalahi-wa-salam) said, "Whoever seeks Allah's pleasure at the expense of men's displeasure, will win Allah's Pleasure and Allah will cause men to be pleased with him. And whoever seeks to please men at the expense of Allah's displeasure, will win the displeasure of Allah and Allah will cause men to be displeased with him. (Ibn Hibban, Saheeh)."

In other words, when people commit actions in order to please people, they lose the blessings and pleasure of God, but when they do the right thing for the sake of God's pleasure, they are rewarded and liked by God and the people.

Jackson asked the audience, "What are you willing to give up for the honor of your people...and for Allah?"

For example, if a person helps an elderly person cross the street to please God, they will be rewarded and people will like them. If they do the same action to show off, they will be disliked and their actions will show it.

Muslims need to be dignified, said Jackson. "When people see how much you respect your own religion, people respect you."

(To be continued)

Tension Headaches

2010-10-12T09:28:00.000-07:00

I'm getting tension headaches.

Often caused by stress, not enough sleep or anxiety, tension headaches minimally effect day-to-day activities. They can last up to 15 days, or 60-90 days in chronic tension headaches.

They are considered moderate headaches which often come and go, in 15-minute intervals or larger variations and last for a while. They are not migraine headaches, which effect the nerves and can cause loss of strength, vision or minimize functional activity.

Tension headaches usually occur on the sides of or on the forehead, and the back of your head or neck.

Although they can be relieved by over-the-counter pain killers, sometimes stronger medication is needed.
Talk to your doctor.

The other thing to do is manage your stress. Stress is based on perception of tasks, with minimal everyday tasks (which can still be stressful) being the smaller end of the spectrum to major stressors such as losing a loved one (which can take longer to deal with).

(Picture: Atlas Chiropractor and Nutrition Center)

Busy.

2010-10-11T21:12:00.001-07:00

FYI in case you're wondering where I've disappeared.

List of things to do:

3 book reports
1 major 2,500 word feauture profile
read, read, read
internship reports
design community newsletter
complete online course
take language requirement test
complete independent study
triple re-edit religious report on local communities

charge phone and call M before she beats me with a jarooo

Playing with Fire.

2010-08-19T00:51:00.000-07:00

Would you let your kids play with matches?
Then why let them play with fire?

Why not hold them back from sinning?
From eating forbidden food and random chilling.

Do you think it's any different?
Do you think they are not worth it?

Are your children no longer in need of your advice?
Does their own judgment suffice?

How can we turn the other way when...
Sins are burdening the backs of our children.

Picture: undergroundshack.wordpress.com

Faith Rush

2010-07-10T22:45:00.000-07:00

It's been days since I've been away and pretending to be the housewife.
I need a rush of faith and it's about time I've made time for that.
I can't help but make excuses over and over again.
Why I can't flake out 1-2 hours on a particular day for my faith rush.

It's been more than nine months since I've gone to the "Saturday halaqa" at "Sr. Amina's house."
Halaqa means a get-together to talk about Islam.
For example, we talk about how to become a better Muslim by honoring and respecting your parents, being honest, and how to be sincere in your actions.

We don't say, "You should do GOOD things. You shouldn't do BAD things. The End. Go home."

Seriously.

After doing a little bit of self reflection, I thought about some of the characteristics I'm trying to improve in myself. I know of two off the top of my head that can be worked on. But I do realize I'm human and need somewhere to feed into that reminder.

I can make 100 excuses of why I can't do something. I can blame people. I can accept failure. But why not be proactive?

Before I got married (excuse #1 for not being able to "do anything") and had a kid (excuse #2) I made a commitment to attend as many Islamic lectures as possible. So that included weekly Muslim Students Association 30-45 min. lectures at the college library, the Saturday program, a Sunday program (which I now coordinate) and sometimes combined men-woman halaqas at school. At the time I was also taking a class about Prophet Muhammad's life.

That's what got me motivated.

There was so much to learn! (And so little time.)

But now I'm busier than ever, If I want to be.

For example I could wait for cooking and cleaning instructions, and to feed my baby the last minute and not pray exactly on time so then I can't get out last minute for programs. I could also not have a ride, but also not ask anyone to pick/drop me off. I could also take in cultural formalities and try to do all the housework and wait on people to finish what they're done eating to clean up after them. Or let them do it themselves.

I could also say "Well my husband is home" or "I have to take care of my child" or "I can't leave the house with my elderly in-laws at home" or I can do them in a balanced proportion.

Too much of anything is not good.

Make strong intentions to do good and God will help you attain those goals.

Usually Saturday mornings we have a lot to cook. Today I wanted to go to the Saturday program, which I had been thinking about for the past three days. We didn't have a lot of cooking. I helped. I ate. I prayed and went to program. I did a little bit of everything.

There were no random guests. There were no excuses, no complaints nor was there any ride problems (although I didn't have my own car and did have to get picked up by my awesome father).

I feel motivated. I feel great.

I got my faith rush.

Picture: UH Houston, TX Facebook group

To do...

2010-07-01T11:34:00.000-07:00

Do this. Do that.

Take care of your son.
Do your homework.
You must cook.
You must clean often a lot.

Help others.

Spend time with family.
Go out and have fun.

Attend weddings.
Visit the sick.
Accompany/ take family out to visit other family friends.

Do your homework.

Project.
Research.
Homework.

No car.
Baby. Husband.
Myself.

Sleep.
Feel lazy.
Annoyed.
Disappointed.

Waste time.
Prioritize.

Explain everything.
Say nothing.
Rationalize.

Pray, eat, sleep.
Tasks. Chores.
Snores.

Feed the kid.
Eat.
Sleep.
Clean.

You may not like it, but it's good for you.

2010-06-16T18:24:00.000-07:00

Allah tests us in many ways.

Sometimes it's "easier" tests. And sometimes it's not.

For example, it's easy to give advice to people we don't know rather than your friends (who will be able to say something back). You also feel a little softer for your friends even if they're doing something unhealthy for their mind body or souls.

It's easier to like/love or hate someone. It's harder to forgive someone (once they hurt you).

Sound familiar?

Well that's probably why Allah says in the Quran, "But you may dislike something which is good for you, and you may like something which is bad for you. GOD knows while you do not know [2:216]."

We like our bad friends.

We like to do what's fun.

It's easier to do wrong than right.

It's easier to get caught up in materialistic things.

But wait - there's an afterlife. A place where all judgment comes forth.

A place and time when there is no "wrongs" only "truths."

"Surely, falsehood is ever bound to vanish." [Quran17:81]"

Today as I was talking to a dear friend about dating, in terms of haram (forbidden) and halal (acceptable), dating is haram. Everything done with the other person (looking, holding hands, hanging out, etc) is haram outside the union of marriage.

Therefore, I told her how concerned I was for her and only wanted to save her from the hellfire.

I know some people may think I'm crazy to say that (as she even said to me how scary that sounded), I have the duty to say something. I'm afraid I haven't done enough.

But we will be asked.

People only like to hear what they want. People are afraid of reality. Reality is heaven and hell.

Reality is scary.

That's why Allah says in the Quran the heavens are laced with hardships while hell is laced with ease.

Now for some humor...

"You may dislike something which is good for you," (including eating your vegetables), breaking up with a dude, getting married in the first place, waking up early in the morning.

What a wonderful life.

Dear S,

2010-06-09T18:00:00.000-07:00

I wish I could tell you about my distress. About how many hours I confide in my child and wonder what he's doing while I'm away.

I wish I could tell you that my parents are my shelter, and I must constantly ask them for help. They take me to my classes, support my education and take care of my baby when I'm away (and they're available).

Maybe I should remind you my education is a big goal in my life. You have completed your education so you would know how important it may be, and how hard it is to make those sacrifices along the way.

You may know I am a journalism student. That means I must attend historical events. That doesn't mean I go to every raging event and everything I can get my hands out, although I should. I try my best. I do most of my work from home.

You may know I leave my child at the care of my in-laws most of the time. Before I "leave him on the bed" I change his diaper, feed him and take care of him most of the time while I'm at home. You won't hear him squeal unless I'm in the kitchen attending to other business.

You may also know that I am American. This in no way limits my thinking abilities and does not impair my judgement call when it comes to doing the right thing. Sure I'm human and I may need reminders along the way. I have my husband for that. He is there to correct me. So are my family. But I have to listen to become better.

I am not perfect. I know I cannot do everything, surely not at once. Sometimes my homework will be more important than housework but that doesn't excuse me from not doing housework.

Sometimes I will want to get out. But I evaluate the situation first.

I don't get to go to my parents house very often but when I do, perhaps once in 1 1/2-2 weeks, I don't sit too long (usually 1-3 hours). That's why I save up my days and times during my vacations and stay for a few days.

I wish you would take the time to talk to me. To get to know me. To understand me. To understand our differences and realize we have similarities.You are a smart independent woman.

Sincerely,
N

Breaking Barriers, Keeping Relationships strong

2010-06-09T17:44:00.000-07:00

Rules to live by:

Respect your elders.
Your mother-in-law has more rights over your husband than you do.
Be respectful to others, you will get respect in return.

Anger shadows other emotions. Talk it out before it becomes a burden.
Do not be jealous of others.
Do not compare yourself to others.
Realize you are only you, you cannot be someone else better stronger taller longer just you.

When you find fault in others, there may be faults in you.
Do not break ties with family.
Be kind to your neighbors.
Give neighbors their rights, including being helpful and keeping your door open - literally and metaphorically - to allow others to ask you for help.
Those who get over anger (human weakness) within three days, and greet the one whom they are angry with with salam or peace will be rewarded.
Those who reject peace, and greetings, will be punished.

God answers all questions if you're looking for the answers. And believe.

Everyone is different. Build on the strengths of those differences.
Treat each other with kindness and it will ease the paths of misunderstandings.

Never assume.
Never accuse.
Never be brutal.

In the end we will all have to face God for our actions.

Michelle Obama, Day of Judgment

2010-05-27T05:09:00.000-07:00

I nearly fainted before First Lady Michelle Obama walked out onto the stage at Adams Field, at Wayne State University yesterday.

Literally.

It was estimated 5,000 people were waiting for Mrs. Obama to show up. We waited since 8 a.m. The guest of honor did not arrive until a little after 11 a.m.

It was blazing outside. The temperature lingered around 80 degrees.

I noticed the EMS hustling through the crowd four times. The Detroit News reported eight heat-related emergencies.

The only thing provided to the crowd was water. Lots of it.

I took my mom along for the historical moment.

Little did I know I needed her there.

As I was standing in the first few rows in front of the stage, my stomach felt tight and my head felt lite.

There she was, my loyal mother pouring water on my head, telling me to sit down and fanning me with my reporter's notebook. What would I do without her?

We made our way out of the crowd to get fresh air.

I saw two babies and one pregnant girl.

We returned to a side wall that was close to the front stage. I sat down.

I found another girl propped against the wall.

"Drink a lot of water, people are passing out," I told her.

As I sat down, avoiding body heat from the thousands who had gathered for Michelle Obama, I thought about the Day of Judgment.

It's going to be blazing.

Everyone will be waiting...

There will be no escape and truith will prevail.

What a scary reminder on a historical day.

Arizona!

2010-05-24T20:27:00.000-07:00

For 99 cents you can sip on a cool green tea with ginseng (something you would've otherwise not have tried), orange and green tea, or even lemonade iced tea.

You probably didn't even know it was good for you.

Green tea helps people with everything from headaches to losing weight. According to an article "The Miracle of Green Tea," the Chinese have been using this tea for medicinal uses for over 4,000 years.

http://chinesefood.about.com/library/weekly/aa011400a.htm

Pomegranate, a beautiful red fruit with compartments of red-ruby looking pulps, is good for: fighting breast cancer, slowing prostrate cancer, prevents osteoarthritis, lowering cholesterol, and even prevents plaque build-up (who would've known?).

http://www.healthdiaries.com/eatthis/11-health-benefits-of-pomegranate-juice.html

I remember on 80 degree summer days, I used to walk 4 blocks for a fresh cool taste of Arizona drinks. I didn't mind spending 99 cents on a can, double the size of a coke can, that could easily fill into 2 1/2 8 oz. glasses.

Yum.

My favorite flavors are watermelon and fruit punch. Oh and I love strawberry kiwi too!

After looking at the Arizona company's website, www.drinkarizona.com, I was hynotized by the beautiful spread - mimicking the green tea and gensung bottle design. It's a beautiful green design with pink-brushed flowers, all too much of a coincidence to remind you of the Asian touch on the bottle.

Some of the more expensive bottles, which can be picked up at classier restaurants, including La Pita in Detroit, for $2.95, including the pomegranate green tea drink.

The great thing about Arizona drinks are, its an American drink with an Asian feel and exotic tastes that arouse your taste buds.

The company says their secret to success is their great taste, nice designs, inexpensive price, larger quantity of juice, real ingredients and less money wasted on competitive business ads. They also said, "We make stuff we'd want to drink ourselves."

Drink Arizona!!

www.drinkarizona.com

Arranged marriage & misconceptions

2010-05-23T12:15:00.000-07:00

After a recent conversation with one of my childhood friends, I realized how short life is.
So short that decisions should be made quickly. Not slowly, over time.

They should encompass what you believe in. Not what you detest.

Just two years ago, my husband and I were wed by an arranged marriage. I know a friend who said she'd rather say, "we met through friends," than say "we had an arranged marriage" to avoid rolling eyes and gasps.

I rather tell it like how it is, to clear up the misconceptions of "most" arranged marriages that take place.

Misconception list (in bold) and corrections
a. People get forced by parents to marry a stranger. They are usually not by force. Many arranged marriages are with "someone who knows someone through the family" aka kids of mutual friends or community members.
b. The guy is not 40, the girl is not 12. The age difference among spouses is roughly between 0-10 years apart, in the Bangladeshi culture.
c. They do end up falling in love. In the Quran Allah says "He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put Love and mercy between your (hearts), verily in that are signs for those who reflect (30:21)." Basically love comes with the package.
d. It's not always miserable til the end. In fact, the marriage lasts longer. Multiple analysis have been done, showing arranged marriages last longer than "love marriages" or ones in which both partners chose one another since the marriage is based on compatibility; virtue, attraction, status, and/or family background.
e. People in arranged marriages do not get divorced. The Muslim divorce rate is at 33 percent according to "Blissful Marriage" by Ekram Beshir and Mohamed Beshir. The US divorce rate is 50 percent.
f. People in arranged marriages are not happy. Happiness is fixated with compatibility, making the couple work harder to keep the marriage going than resort to divorce. Divorce is the least acceptable deed to do in Islam. In a hadith it says, when people get divorced on earth, the seven heavens shake.
g. Arranged marriages are oppressive. Forced marriages are not allowed in Islam. While women are to take care of the home and men are to provide financially for the family, there are many rules in-between that allow both spouses to grow independently. At the same time, women are given the freedom to spend their money as they wish and/or to support family but they are to be taken care of rather than work on top of taking care of the kids (what the guys always shy away from doing anyways). Knowing who does what helps decrease the strain on relationships.

Emotions and Pain

2010-05-01T08:27:00.000-07:00

After completing my developmental psychology class today, I realized I'm an emotionally stress, a Type B personality.

In other words I'm lazy, late, and get anxious over little things.

Emotions are what we feel. Emotions make people who they are. They are sometimes uplifting, sometimes nerve-wrecking and at other times...they are just what they are. Feelings.

Feelings and pain can often blur between the lines.

Pain is something we experience emotionally or physically.

God made us in different ways.

For those who do not feel physical pain much, as far as getting hurt, bleeding, soring, and require less Tylenol or Motrin, he gave us emotional pain in the form of stress.

He made us different to test us.

Loving Motherhood

2010-04-30T20:14:00.000-07:00

Today after a long time, I am enjoying motherhood. I am laughing with my child, not pretending to.
I can hold him freely, not because I have to. And, I am happy I can play with him instead of simply feed, clean and put him to sleep.

It's been a long semester. Looking back, with one final exam and directed study paper left to turn in, I feel like it was worth the hassle but there were complications (as expected).

Now my priorities have changed. I'm a mother, wife, student then daughter.

Therefore sometimes that meant making sure baby was fed before husband ate, and homework would be put off until baby was asleep. Lastly that meant fewer stops at the parent's house for random visits.

Life sure does take a toll on mental age.

Getting stupidly lucky

2010-04-29T20:54:00.000-07:00

High school teachers told us college wasn't the same. We wouldn't get spoon-fed information, homework reminders and we'd have to be responsible for our actions - finally.

But I got stupidly lucky.

Sadly but truly, most teachers were humble and let us turn in things late. They would mark us down but the procrastination and the shumble-fumbled priority list along with a dose of laziness would take over and make me think, "Well why not turn in something late than not at all?"

Consequences.

Since my freshman year I can say I have been given breaks, over and over again. I have been told, warned, reminded "true colors show" and not to procrastinate. I talked to teachers, asked friends for advice, talked to a psychiatrist to avoid a) being late for class and b) stop procrastinating.

I write to-do lists. I got a washboard. I write reminders;, online, on my phone and even on pieces of paper.

I repeat things to myself.

What else can I do?

I noticed one thing that significantly influences my time schedule is whether I pray on time or not. If I do, I have better chances of getting things done or not feeling bad for not.

Although there were strict teachers, which I knew I had to strive harder to avoid being late or not get into extra trouble, the procrastination eventually catches up.

What can I do?

I'm a bad liar but I can think of excuses I make for myself once I get caught up. I'm late.

I was diagnosed with D a few years ago. I have anxiety attacks and high levels of stress, often. But that is not an excuse to not get things done.

I hate being late, making people wait, getting people mad and at the same time I end up doing it. I let myself down.

Sadly I want to be a journalist but I can think of a dozen steps I went wrong, and wasn't on time. Meeting deadlines. I know I don't want a job where I have to constantly update, stress and worry about running around to instantly type up a story. But that's where the market is.

Maybe I should go back to drafting a book about my life. I can write plenty.

The Dilema

2010-04-29T20:40:00.000-07:00

Wake up early or go to bed late?
Running out of time, the story of my life. Although it seems like at times I don't have anything to do, I have plenty on my to-do list. From homework to reading assignments, papers to write, phone calls to make, and research to do.

But when? When can I do these long list of things. Between cooking and minor cleaning? Between feeding times and prayer times? While vacuuming, shutting the door on other little kids in my home or ignoring the guests who unexpectedly arrive.

Feed child or do another quick interview, while he cries?
The saying goes, "Just come home and do your homework."

I don't have my own car right now. I get driven to and from school, on my parents' time, who I don't even live with. Rather than stay longer hours, I'm usually prompted to come home - so I can take care of my child. What about homework? Well, that will have to wait. Wait until after I'm done feeding the baby, eating myself, helping the hubby, waiting for the office to empty of strangers, the phone becomes available for use and prayer times are over.

Oh and if the family decides to go anywhere, well can't be shoddy and not tag along, now can I? And if I don't, I feel guilty or left out. I'm not big on socializing with family friends I "barely know."

And then there's the other option, letting someone else watch the baby while I do my work. Sure.
So I leave him downstairs with his grandmother. But I can hear every single cry. It's only a few minutes before I sweep him up, either to my dismay or out of feeling like I"m abandoning my child. I know I can't comfort him 100% of the time.

I make up for my attachment by avoiding holding him for too long, more five minutes at a time, unless necessary.

Plan C: leave him at my parents' house. They don't see him as much as my in-laws, who I live with. And they love having one baby to watch - opposed to three at a time. Plus how can you reject the googly face? Sure enough there will be a panicking phone call to follow the visit while I'm running around trying to get people to talk to me about my topic of interest.

Homework or lunch?

I rather starve than eat while I have much to do. But too much stress means I'm more prone to a weak immune system, not to mention the handful of times I went to the doctor this time and the 2 lbs. I can barely gain back after marriage and pregnancy. I'm at 118 lb. with the consequences of having low iron, continuous stomach problems and feeling weak. My doctor said, "Try to avoid stress as much as possible."

Idk how to do it. I try but I always give in to reshuffling priorities.

Interviews or housework?
There is much sweeping, vacuuming, laundry, cooking and not to mention baby-sitting in a house of 13. It's a choice, shoddiness (shaddiness) or helping out. Helping out while you planned to do some homework, which pushes back time to do homework, which runs into the time the baby wakes up to eat, and then that snowballs into a tired me who is in need of sleep or falls asleep.

Accidentally fall asleep or stay anxious every moment of life to keep up?
It's 4:30 a.m. I just dozed off for four hours and didn't get my assignment done. Should I get up and start doing homework again? Can I shake off the scary feeling? Or shake off the wave of depression I feel when I think of what a big failure I am for not being able to get things done on time. I doze back to sleep, feeling defeated.

The cycle is chained and continues. And although sometimes I force myself to be proactive, I often feels like I'm stuck

Can you see it?

2010-04-13T09:51:00.000-07:00

Fresh cold water
Tickles of ice-cream
A shiny empty glass of water
Round pebbled grapes
Twinkling golden stars
Sizzling tender delicious steaks
Pot-boiled potatoes with sour cream
A brown firm chair with vertical lines
A slick professional black chair
A round smooth white-and-black pen
A square phone with jagged edges

2010-04-13T09:44:00.000-07:00

Flying away like a bird
Soaring through the sky

Empty eyes with a heart of gold
No one knew what was inside

Fluttering aimlessly
With no real destination in mind

Patches started to emerge
Those patches, I shook to remove.

Looking down was not a way out
Nor was it the right thing to do

Birds do not need the wind to fly
They need the strength to be free

A bird has permission to
Soar the blue skies openly

A bird, it is what I call,
My soaring destiny

I wouldn't be

2010-04-13T09:39:00.000-07:00

If it weren't for the bruise
I will wear on my sleever forever --
I'd never understand who I am today.

If it weren't for constant roadblocks,
Feeling completey lost,
I wouldn't be me.

If it weren't for my parents,
Who strived in every way
To be there for us...

They picked up the phone on the other line,
Walked up behind us, stood in front of us.
I wouldn't be who I am today.

If it weren't for having a cloudy mind,
For having rock iron faith --that God did exist.
I wouldn't be here today.

Anxiety

2010-04-12T20:35:00.000-07:00

The walls are starting to cave in.
I keep losing and gaining my breath.

I feel the rhymic pulse in my forhead.
My headache seems to be getting stronger and stronger.

It's that feeling of nervousness all over again.
The feeling of doom returns.

The hostile situations syndrome.
The 'I can't stand it anymore' syndrome.

Anxiety...whether it's from a
A proposal, an accidental death, a murder or a death...

It happens, it's normal but,
I'll just have to pretend

Not to notice the surge of butterflies
Riding a roller coaster inside of me.

I'll have to pretend it can't get in the way,
Can't hurt or bother me.

Nervous.
I can't even begin to explain.

You'd only know if you woke up every time
I had to sit up in bed and gasp for breath.

2010-04-12T14:31:00.000-07:00

There is a kind of loneliness about a summer day
A 22-year-old cannot explain.

There are no longer childhood visitors stopping in for a few minutes,
Only bored family members dropping by for tea.

There is something about looking at walls that restrict the mind.
They keep the thoughts from flowing.

A gray husky air lingers,
And stops short of air.

Plain windows, often hidden by curtains reveal limited sunshine.
The sun stays hidden from view.

The wind barely interrupts the daily tasks;
Cooking, cleaning, laundry, gardening.

There are days when the routine goes to rest,
To fish out ailing neighbors, family members and community people.

There are those days, forshadowed by heat-consuming cooking,
Pushing around a broom and pausing for short breaths.

When visiting a person frees ones mind from the cloudy hazy summerness
That begins with a season meant for the outdoors.

A season which leaves the insiders,
As outsiders; ignored and restless.

Summer Days, outside

2010-04-12T14:27:00.000-07:00

On beautiful breezy summer days
I lay quietly on my bed.

I dream of flying birds, pesky mosquitos and a grateful wind.
I smell the breeze, light gentle and one to please.

There is none of that in my four-walled room.
I sit and wait for nothing.

Often looking back at a chilhood so raw,
Kite-flying, badminton-playing, frisbee-throwing...

I don't like picking the leaves of green beans,
Upturning black soil with seeds.

I don't like watering the lawns which were God-gifted.
I like eating their blossoms and belongings.

Once I ran the fields with a soccer ball,
Hit the end of a white volleyball.

Sitting quietly on a bench even when in the park,
I long for a childhood that neither restricted nor held my arms tied.

Journalism, a way of life.

2010-03-29T20:48:00.000-07:00

He cried.
He cried while I was interviewing.

He was hungry.
He was hungry and I couldn't feed him while I was on the phone.

He was cold.
He was cold and I couldn't hold him as I completed the interview.

Journalists have to ignore life.
They have to ignore real life to get to facts.

Facts take up time.
Facts help people.

Journalists have to make sacrifices.

They have to lock themselves up in rooms.
They talk on the phone at undesired times.
They go to places they would've otherwise not have entered.

Journalists are truth-seekers, people "savers," investigators.

Best of all, journalists are human beings.
Human beings who ignore their life to get to a message.

A clear message -- is it worth family sacrifice?
Is it worth letting the baby cry?
Is it worth the few cents you get while spending hours?

Journalism, the cost of life.

Respect, mercy and paradise

2010-03-11T21:19:00.000-08:00

Have mercy, respect others

The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace), said,"He who does not have mercy on our young, and does not respect our elders is not of us (Tirmidhi).

Who are the most honored?

"Those who control their anger and are forgiving towards people; Allah loves the good." (Qur'an, 3: 134)

"Pardon them and overlook - Allah loves those who do good" (Qur'an 5:13)

The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel (the evil) with one which is better (i.e. Allâh ordered the faithful believers to be patient at the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat them badly), then verily! he, between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend.

The man of paradise, forgave others.

The Messenger of Allah was seated in a gathering with the Sahabah when he looked towards the entrance and said, “A man of Paradise is coming."

At that instance someone who seemed to be very ordinary entered the mosque where they were seated. A Sahabi was curious as to why the Prophet said this, so he followed the man to his house.

This Sahabi told the man that he was a traveler and stayed as a guest. For three days the Sahabi saw nothing unusual, so he finally told the man what the Prophet had said and asked him what was so special. The man thought for a long time and said,

“There might be one thing — before going to sleep every night I forgive everyone and sleep with a clean heart."

She and I.

2010-03-02T15:52:00.000-08:00

She runs downstairs on Sunday mornings to shine up the dishes, using Clorox bleach. One after the other, she puts teacups, saucers and small plates into a big white round plastic bowl of water, bleach and soap suds.

While she lets them soak, she scrubs the kitchen stove, sweeps the floor, pulls out the mop and gives the refrigerator a few wipes. If she has time, she will examine the microwave as well.

Her morning may start at 8 a.m., or 9. It always ends by 11 a.m., when she heads to the mosque to learn a few more things on how to carry out her life.

She has three kids; one infant, a toddler and a kindergartner.

---

I wake up and pray. I feed my son and fall back asleep. When I awake, I examine my to-do list for the day and debate how much time I have before going to the mosque.

I trail downstairs around 9:30 a.m., start breakfast, as the rest of the family is about done. I make rice, vacuum unless it's been done and make rice for the family. I feed my son, then clean the dishes and finally stomp upstairs to help my husband on his files before getting ready to go to the mosque.

---

On other days, I come from school, change my clothes and decide what to do first: feed son or start homework. Usually I take care of my son first.

I eat, pray and finally sit down on my laptop or prop open a book to read.

The doorbell rings. Someone comes over. I decide how to get through my next task.

Should I go downstairs, clear the room, or continue my work?

How shady will it be to ignore the visitor, who I have probably ignored in the past to do homework, simply to avoid gossip or work that will push back my to-do list.

On the other hand, she takes out the snacks, that she made while either staying up late or waking up early on weekdays.

I fry the snacks. I make (or pour)the tea. I wash the dishes. She entertains the guests.

---

There's free time on weekdays, where the family sit and talk. I stay in my room, locked up partly avoiding extra tasks or not wanting to waste time that I may not have later.

My priorities start with my son, end up with school and finish with family. I can't seem to shift the pyramid upside down.

And still, I go to bed later than them.

(Stock Xchange photography)

School-aged children, curriculums.

2010-03-02T15:38:00.000-08:00

What kids should know: rough curriculum for school-aged children.

Public School system
http://www.worldbook.com/wb/Students?curriculum

Top Michigan Elementary Schools:
http://www.schooldigger.com/go/MI/schoolrank.aspx?pagetype=top10

Full Islamic School Curriculum:
http://www.islamicedfoundation.com/islam/newpage3.htm

Sound Vision, sample for weekend school:
http://www.soundvision.com/Info/syllabus/

Islamic Weekend Learning curriculum (grades 7, 8, 10)
http://www.weekendlearning.com/curric.html

Blurbs.

2010-03-01T20:45:00.000-08:00

(Google images)

New Baby

The 6 lb. 2 oz. newborn moves his head from side to side, peering at his new room, although he can barely see.

His mother lays next to him, stiff with pain. Her feet are swollen. She's in the hospital again.

The newborn tags along for his first ride since his trip home on Thursday.

Husband

The hours never end. From 8-5, from 6-10. Counting, waiting, sometimes ignoring, I spend my days.

I sit in the other room doing my assignment, baby on my lap sleeping or eating, while I try to multitask.

Today I avoided the dishes in the kitchen sink. I cut my finger and it stings. Forget formalities.

Naturalization

Naturally the naturalization process for U.S. citizenship is hard to pass, especially if English is not your language. Tomorrow my mother-in-law is going for her interview.

Hope it goes well, the officers aren't rude and she is able to recall some the answers.

Busy

Of course I knew people would be coming over after the baby came home. I knew they'd come when I least expected or wanted them to.

So how do you say, "Please don't come over." Or, "I have homework and I can't do it while you're here," either because it's rude or "I can't concentrate with a handful of people walking around my house."

Neither can I feed my baby, eat in front of other people without offering food, make tea, and conduct an interview at the same time.

I need to get things done.

Warmth; it all started two years ago.

2010-02-25T20:06:00.000-08:00

We're nearing the two-year mark in our relationship.

Feb. 26 FR came to my house to find out who I was. I had the bio-data.

Three weeks from there, we took our vows and held off on the wedding for three months of preparation.

My husband is sitting at his large brown wooden desk, with his left hand on his chin as he examines the data on his black Acer desktop computer. His blue shirt with minimal pink-stripped shirt rests upon his 130 lb. figure.

He smiles.

I am sitting across him on my Dell Inspiron laptop, wearing a red traditional salwar kamiz (which looks like a long dress with matching pants) and a yellow scarf.

We are older, more mature and in two worlds.

As he punches in figures, I write words; an accountant and a journalist.

With kids, family, work and school there's little wiggle space for us. And yet we are here in the same office room where we work and share the warmth in our hearts.

Detroit City, here we come!

2010-02-19T08:33:00.000-08:00

I love to travel.

Our 2-year anniversary is coming up. Usually we take some kind of trip to commerate and make up for the time we don't have.

Last year we went to Chicago for the weekend.

Instead of going away and wasting money, we thought why not spend our anniversary visiting downtown Detroit.

With all the renovations and rich culture, it would be great to look around where we live. Rediscover Detroit.

I have a hard time making plans.

I know what I don't want to do: anything related to sports, theatre, too mushy stuff or visiting science museums. It's not anniversary material.

I wouldn't mind eating out, walking and doing something that's historical but also fun.

As of now the plan is to use up the week going places. I'm thinking to invite the family along for one of our trips, to be nice.

We'll see how that goes.

Any suggestions?

Photo Credit: bixbox.slate.com

Subway sandwich dates

2010-02-15T19:41:00.000-08:00

It's that delicious tingle in my mouth from Jalapeno peppers, the smell of pickle and the salty taste of Monterrey Cheddar bread that draws me to a tuna Subway sandwich.

Prepared fresh, to eat fresh, the sandwich is what I consider one of the only health-conscious food on college campuses.

The best part of the foot-long delight is sharing it with a significant other.

My sandwiches went through life chapters.

* I used to share them with my friend R, who went to school with me freshman year. We often met up for lunch and triumphed through lunch-picking, ingredient shopping and munching.

* Then I went through a sister-sister bond with the sandwich, sharing my sandwich with fewer spices.

* And now I share the sandwich with my husband, who doesn't like a lot of fast food. I successfully convinced him to give up oily McDonald fish-fillet's for a fresh tuna sandwich.

I can remember a few times we have shared our meal:

While I was pregnant I secretly craved a sandwich for the life of me, although my doctor preferred me to be on liquids at that time. We took the chances of me puking out my lunch. It was a good risk.

After giving birth and being left on scarce meals, I was hungry! My family made meals; mushy rice with vegetables, which I didn't particularly like. One day my sister-in-law asked if I wanted anything to eat, and I quickly said no, making a mental note to send my husband to a Subway.

And today, we shared a refrigerated Subway sandwich.

It reminds me of our journey through parenthood - starting with pregnancy, to the delivery room, to after birth. What a beautiful journey with the tuna Subway sandwich.

Anonymous

2010-02-12T14:31:00.000-08:00

What is wrong with freaking people calling me anonymous?

Anonymous - no name and no identity.

Who are you? What do you want?

I've been getting these calls, last Friday and today. They called at 6 a.m. and 6 p.m. Today the person called about 15 minutes ago, twice.

Didn't hear any voices, but I did hear buttons being pressed as the person examined if I was still on the line - I put my phone on mute like them.

I wonder, are you reading this too? Gees.

Twisty turny feeling

2010-02-11T17:14:00.000-08:00

Twisting, turning...about to puke over nothing.

You know that feeling?

I think I'm nervous.

I've been feeling like this all day. I feel like something wants to come out. Something needs to be released. Maybe I need to scream.

I don't know what it is.

I have been falling far behind. Digging myself into a hole. Thinking way past my abilities.

Need to write a 1,500 features piece on my friend. Then another introduction about a city. Then an article critque. And study for my exam on Saturday. And study for a quiz on Monday.

Sigh.

Stress, the name of life.

Today I've been in the kitchen long enough to hate the look, smell and taste of it.

Just want to puke it all out.

It was just a dream: funny dreams.

2010-02-11T07:02:00.000-08:00

Remembering my home in Florida

It was late at night.

I volunteered to close the doors to the white car with Lamborghini doors, that were left open a while ago. The windows seemed like they were palettes that had to be pressed into their spots.

The smell of flowers were intoxicating. Orange, red and bright flowers were bunched together in bushes. Recently bathed in the water sprinklers, the flowers smelled of wet earth and leaves.

"Silsila yeh chaahath" from the Bollywood movie Devdas played in the background.

A 19-year-old neighbor, or family member came behind the car and took a van to the masjid. It was pitch black. He was wearing a sleevless jersey.

My husband walked passed me, jumped into the van and said he'd come back and take care of the car.

Another neighbor toyed with his car, in the shared parking lot. The van took off to the masjid. The neighbor left.

I thought I could take care of the car.

Suddenly it became really dark. I shuddered from the darkness and the cold. No more headlights from the van, no more sprinklers.

I ran.

I ran all the way home, to my small two-bedroom apartment. It resembled my home in Florida. I screamed the whole way and heard monkeys echoing my scream. (God knows where they came from).

I shuddered.

(And woke up)

--- --- ---

The robber and "us"A lady danced and hopped around a courtyard in a South Asian neighborhood. She would pause with words she sang, emphasizing facial expressions as she moved her hands with her song. It reminded me of a frog leaping around.

She stopped and headed to her under-furnished clay and concrete home. My sister-in-law and I were invited to her empty living room. Barred windows overlooked the middle of the courtyard which was shared by neighbors.

She pulled out a huge shiny gold necklace from her closet. It was beautiful.

I asked my sister-in-law if it was really gold, as I couldn't put together the elements together without confusion and astonishment: large gold necklace in poor woman's home.

"It looks like a piece from a wedding set," I said.
"Probably," my sister-in-law replied.

I couldn't believe she was selling it.

The woman, desperately needing money, didn't seem to mind and insisted my sister-in-law could pay her back later.

As we walked home on the dirt path, we saw a man carrying a large cart with big round wheels walking in the opposite direction. It looked like a cart that needed a cow to help pull it, without a cow.

Suddenly a man waving his hands wildly was running up the path behind the cart-puller.

He seemed in a hurry and without a destination.

In fact, he was coming towards us.

"What a shame, the guy doesn't even move out of his way when he sees a thief running past him," my sister-in-law said.

"A thief?," I asked.

"We must stop him or else he will loot the whole neighborhood," my sister-in-law said.

"Okay," we encouraged each other and prepped ourselves for the encounter on the path.

Running past us into a backyard, the thief hid. We followed him.

"You know what you're doing isn't right," I said to him.

Protesting he said, "Yeah you're right I'm not going to do anything," and throws a $5bill at me.

"Omygosh you see this guy has a five-dollar bill! Not taka (lesser currency). Look at his nerves," I said to my sister-in-law.

We walked back to the front of the house, saw more dollar bills scattered on the floor. I picked them up thinking we can donate the money to the mosque since we didn't know who they belonged to and it would be wrong to keep stolen money.

Suddenly I remembered.

We were walking around with gold on us.

I tried to stuff the bills under my coat.

"That looks obvious you're hiding something," my sister-in-law said.

"Your tall figure and overly stuffed jacket looks fishy."

"You're right, we better get out of here before he robs us!," I said.

We ran all the way, straight home!

That's what makes him who he is: important men in my life

2010-02-09T20:16:00.001-08:00

These will be easy, there aren't too many guys in my life!

He's 28. He's of medium height and build. He likes to joke around but seems like the serious type around people his age. He's quiet, shy and patient. He taught me how to be a family person. He's caring and understanding. He's alert. He's compassionate to helping others.

He's 12. Almost 13. He's tall. He looks like me. He's funny but he's quiet. He talks with his shoulders. He looks Korean. When he was a baby, he was chubby. I used to hold him in my arms, make him laugh and train him how to cry. He's become quiet a young man. When he talks, usually he makes me laugh and I learn new things.

He's 5. He's adorable, critical, loud and jumpy. He screams for fun. He has a contagious bubbly giggling laugh. According to his brother, "everyone knows him." In other words, he was popular since he was born. When he broke his leg everyone, young old serious funny came to see him. He likes to help others. He's a leader. He can speak two languages. He cares about others' feelings. He's a family guy.

He's 49. He's funny. He can have a conversation with anyone. He's sensitive. He's the third son in his family, but he acts like the oldest. He loves free stuff. He won't eat candy, cookies or American food unless it's offered to him. He's patient. He likes to cook chicken with potatoes. He's cultural.

He's 4 months. He's googly, cute and adorable Mashallah. He giggles. He's does the puppy-dog face. He goes to strangers. He can lift up his chin. He's 2-feet tall. He has Mongolian birth marks. When he's hungry, he shoves his whole fist in his mouth. He cries to talk. He hasn't learned how to walk.

Photo credit: livingthedash.tv

Jacket, phone, car problems

2010-01-27T10:25:00.001-08:00

(Kaboodle.com)

Jacket: My jacket looks like it's crawling with white bugs. It's disgusting.
Fairly, it needs a trip to the dry-cleaners, badly. Only problem is, it's my only winter coat and I need it almost everyday. Arg.

Phone: Why in the world do we need our phones somewhere, anywhere and everywhere? With the rise of phones in our pockets, barely anyone wants to use the pay-phone and pay a few cents, nor do people share/ offer phones unless it's an emergency.

I've blown throughthree phones in the past two years. I'm sick of phones. Too bad I'm a journalist. I need one.

Car: I broke one, borrowed one and now I'm car-less.
Getting to classes is a hurdle. It goes a little something like this:

Husband: When do you have class today?
Me: The usual, I have to leave around 1:15-1:30 p.m. My class starts at 1:55 and I can't be late.
Husband: Oh okay. So how are you getting to class?
Me: I don't know. I'll ask him (my brother-in-law) I guess.
Husband: Oh okay, let me know.
Me: K.

An hour or two before class...

Me: So are you going to be able to take me to class today?
Bro-in-law: Um let me see.
Me: Okay, well if you're not, I can/ will ask my parents.
Bro-in-law: Let me see.
Me: Okay let me know.
Bro-in-law: Okay I'll take you.

After coming home from class...

Husband: What time did you get home today?
Me: 4:30 p.m.
Husband: Oh how did you get to school?
Me: Bro-in-law dropped me off
Husband: How did you get home?
Me: My dad dropped me off.
Husband: Oh okay....we need to get the cars fixed.

YES we do.

The End.

That's what makes her who she is: important women in my life

2009-12-15T05:40:00.000-08:00

She's nearly 64. She likes to cook and can't stand when things aren't clean. If you want to please her, you must do as she wishes, however you can get around it when you need to. She's old. She's young. She's strong. She's loving. She's lovely.

Cooking for her five sons, even if it's at 7 a.m., makes her happy. She will wait altruistically for everyone in the house to eat before she takes a bite. Even then, she will ask whether we did the same, as her example leads.

She's 27. She is daring, curious, ambitious. She takes opportunities by the horns and says no to defeat. She lives, she laughs, she dreams. She doesn't take no for an answer. She has an answer to everything. She's my friend, the person who keeps me in check. She's someone I'll never forget.

She reminds me to be strong, tells me when I'm wrong, and keeps me focused and headstrong. She helps me, trusts me, and gives me a friendship I need.

She's 19. She likes to draw. She is full of sweet. She can't make decisions without consulting everything. She does many things. She is more mature in ways - than me. She can tell the difference between wins and defeats. She laughs hard, has a soft heart, and is balanced even when she falls to her feet.

I've never seen a day that she couldn't pick herself back up. She's determined, strong, optimistic, full of faith, full of life and aware of her hereafter.

She's 37. She takes things easily. She likes to be right, but she has confidence in learning new things. She is understanding, compassionate, rewarding. She's someone you'll miss if you don't see her in a few days. She reminds everyone of someone they know. She brings joy into a room. She always has an answer. She likes to read. She likes to laugh. She likes to be there for everyone for anything.

She's bright, beautiful, helpful, inspiring, wonderful. She's young and fun. She makes it okay when things are going wrong. She's interested in happenings. She's mature, clever and determined to hold things together.

She's 27. She has a beautiful life which she's surrounded with her family and friends. She's inspiring. She's quiet, she's loud. She's silly and proud. She's understanding, mature and optimistic. She has practical solutions for sticky situations. She's a mommy. She's caring, she's daring. She makes it okay to be wrong. She's strong. She writes, she reads. She takes a stab at everything.

She's an older maturer version of what I'd like to be.

She's 20. She's creative. She's imaginative. She's stubborn and silly. She draws the crowd, is happy and loud. She's there for advice. She's mature. She's a kid. She's a part of my past, a little distant from my present and has kept a place for the future. She's beautiful. She's pretty. She's the life of the party.

She's strong, determinded and helpful. She likes a good plate of chicken and potatoes. She's forgetful. She's fashionable. In some ways, she's the opposite of me - or I'm the opposite of her. Sometimes, she's perfect.

Can you guess who's who?

Women roles and tolls

2009-12-11T21:46:00.000-08:00

There's a secret underlying stereotype that women should always stay home to take care of the children.

I agree, to an extent.

God has created man and woman to take care of each other, and has set guidelines and duties upon each. He created us different, giving us roles and requiring us to take them on. Men are the head of the household while women are primary care givers.

Certainly.

There's more.

If it were that simple for women to stay home and take care of their children, well might as well lock yourself up in your house (or room) and do everything for them right? Wrong.

I've been picking up on a couple of things. Such as, I wasn't able to cut my son's fingernails without getting myself into a little trouble. I needed help from an experienced mother, my sister-in-law.

Attempt to take care of kid by myself: fail.

Or like the times you need to take a shower or use the bathroom, you'll need someone to "keep an eye" on the baby.

I have an exam to turn in before tomorrow night. After getting some house chores I went to pray zuhr, the second daily prayer and the baby started crying because he was hungry.

Feed child or pray? Both.

His grandmother offered to feed him while I prayed, giving up her lunch time to do so.

Lesson learned: it's not always easy to ask for help, or to take it when it's avaliable. Don't take things for granted but use your resources.

Although there's a stereotype to stay home all the time, women know they need some space to breathe, they need to see other mothers make it through, they need help once in a while and will also have ambitions of their own to pursue.

I was speaking to a woman today who's daughter-in-law is soon to come from Bangladesh. My aunt and I asked if she'd be continuing her studies. She said, "Oh we'll see, you never know how they'll be until after they get here," implying her daughter-in-law might be stuck up and not take care of her in-laws.

Also she is hoping for a grandchild prior to any further education. The daughter-in-law is(was) 2 years away from completing her law degree in Bangladesh. They told her to stop going to school. Her schooling would be practically worthless here.

Sad, but true.

I encouraged the woman to let her attend school, if her daughter-in-law wants. We'll see what happens.

The lady also asked if I was going to school and if my in-laws were alright with that. I said yes, and I told them how important my education was to me before getting married.

Culture.

In Islam women are allowed to take jobs out of the home, if they are able to manage both their home and outside life. The only major restrictions are not to do jobs that contradict their faith, family, religion, and not to take on jobs that are the head of the government (over stressful jobs), like being president of a country.

Islam also encourages women to stay educated and continue their education, even requiring her husband to get her books if she can't leave the household. Why? Because if you aren't educated, how will you educate your children and family? The women are the backbone of the family, however they need support to be just that.

Once again, religion to the rescue.

Tutoring Woes.

2009-12-02T22:26:00.001-08:00

God says that humankind are all related to one another - humanity - since the beginning of time.

Not only are we required to help one another at all times, we are encouraged to fulfill our rights towards other Muslims and people, without expecting a thank you or a favor in return.

With that said, I have been tutoring two young boys for the past 2-3 months.

The kids are new from Bangladesh and I knew tutoring them would require patience and translating from English to Bangla. Of two brothers showed up one day asking for help understanding his homework assignment. My husband and brother-in-law took a stab about 7th grade math and soon I was assigned to find answers for the kids. I ran to the computer for online assistance.

At fist I wasn't up for tutoring the boys. Then my sister-in-law said it's rewarding to help these kids. I started helping them in search of rewards.

Visits were fairly short. I had nothing better to do. Helping them would keep my mind from wandering off into "nothingness and boredom."

Later on the visits got longer, and repetitive. I started getting frustrated as my list of to-do's also piled up.

My hungry newborn cries during meetings. Now for the past couple of times when I didn't want to, or couldn't help the boys out because I either wasn't home or had something to do, I wasn't able to say no. When I wasn't home I had to keep explaining I'm not home or wouldn't be home for a while.

Yesterday my husband told the boys we were going out. I talked to them and said the same. They asked me when I'd be coming home. I said late. They asked when.

Yeah, sigh.

Today I didn't want to tutor them. I reasoned with myself that I had a legitimate reason to say no; I wasn't going to be home for a bit and may go out again later. But I didn't get out a second time. Bit that's not a REAL excuse. I could've told them to call and come over later.

I didn't let them come.

My husband came home from work, inquired about them, and asked me to call and check on them to see if they got their homework done -- around 9:30 p.m. One of the boys sounded gloomy and draggy about having to do his homework on his own.

It's not their fault, they don't understand the directions. However while helping with directions, I end up re-teaching the lessons, or surfing the net for more info. Time killers.

At times I try to explain HOW to do the homework. When I'm in a rush I explain but sometimes search for answers. I have to teach them how to look for answers in standard situations.

Today I just didn't want to tutor them. I wanted to spend that time working on my paper. I didn't. I spent time with my husband instead. I gave him his dinner, made him tea, and chatted about credit cards.

At the end of the day I learned that when I'm not really busy, might as well help the boys to get the rewards rather than waste time. I also need to be more straightfoward and say no when I can't tutor them.

May Allah help them and reward our efforts, Inshallah.

Recipe: Fried white rice (Fulaw)

2009-11-20T07:32:00.000-08:00

Fulaw is a special dish prepared for lunch and dinner invitations. It is usually served at all special occasions; weddings, dawaths, parties, etc. It is given to guests, along with additional white rice for additional dishes. Served with meats and poultry.

May have some mistakes, feel free to correct. Haven't perfected this one yet!

Ingredients
7 cups of Basmatti or white rice (serves 10-14)
3/4 tspn of ghee or butter
6 Indian green chili peppers
5 tez fatha
2 Cinnamon sticks, crushed
5-6 ilais
1-1 1/2 tspn salt
1 cup vegetable oil
2 1/2 onions, finely chopped
3+ cups of water
Large steel pot
1 yard of foil

Preparation
* Chop onions
* Wash rice and leave out on counter for 10 minutes in strainer
* Wash ingredients

Directions
1. Pre-heat stove on low-medium
2. Add oil, onions, salt
3. Add Cinnamon, tez fatha, peppers
4. Mix occasionally every 2-3 minutes, for 10 minutes
5. Add rice when onions are half-way cooked
6. Mix every 1-2 minutes for 15 minutes.
Don't let rice stick to bottom of pot.
7. Add ghee/ butter after 5 minutes of rice stirring. (optional for flavoring)
8. Add water when all rice is fried.
Frist add 3 cups of water. Check water level, add water according to approximation; should be about 1 1/2 inches above settled rice.
9. Stir ingredients.
10. Stick in oven on 350 degrees for 10 minutes. Cover with foil and a lid.
11. Take out of oven and stir well.
12. Place rice back in oven for another 5-10 minutes, depending on if rice is cooked.
13. Check to see rice is fluffy and not too watery or dry.
14. Taste for salt.
15. Enjoy!

Add a little flavor!
Serve hot with tandoori chicken, chicken and potatoes dish, or fried fish.

Refrigerate left-overs. Will stay good for 3-4 days.

Recipes: Spinach with Potatoes & Tuna (Shaag biran)

2009-11-20T07:16:00.000-08:00

I've decided to keep a weekly posting on recipes I made during the week. Sometimes more than once a week, to keep track of yummy and necessary food recipes.

More for me than you ;-)
Enjoy and feel free to add suggestions for change.

Spinach with Potatoes & Tuna (Shaag)

Ingredients
1 small sandwich size ziploc bag of pre-boiled spinach (shaag)or 2 bags of fresh spinach leaves; chopped thin
1-2 potatoes, chopped into small cubes or long thin slices
1 medium-sized onion, sliced and chopped
1/2 tspn turmeric
1/2 chilli pepper
1 tspn salt
1 can of tuna; white or red
[You can use any fish if you don't like tuna.
Take out bones and shred into small pieces.]
4 tspns of vegetable oil
1 handful of cilantro (optional)
4 green chilli peppers, Indian kind (optional)

Preparation
* Leave spinach out for 30 -40 minutes or defrost on high for 3 minutes.
* If you have fresh spinach, chop into thin pieces
* Spices
* Chop onions
* Peel and chop potatoes

Directions
1. Low-heat pot and drizzle oil on bottom. Oil should cover 3/4 of pot.
2. Add onions and stir occasionally for 3-5 minutes
3. Add turmeric, salt, chili and peppers (optional).
4. Wait for onions to cook a little, approx. 5 minutes
5. Add potatoes, cover pot and put stove on low-medium heat.
Check every few minutes, stir. Cook for 10 minutes.
6. Add can of tuna. Mix and cook for 5 minutes.
7. Add spinach into mix. Cook for 5 minutes
8. Add cilantro, mix and turn off stove.
9. Enjoy!

Add some flavor!
Tastes well with white rice, green chili peppers, and a slice of lemon :)

Friends or Family?

2009-11-14T06:25:00.000-08:00

Growing up in a family which showed tough love, I often thought of my friends as my escape, my responsibility and the closest thing to my family.

We have aunts and uncles but it seemed so different then, when we were teenagers and we were lost with words when it came to relatives.

The conversations went like this:

Assalam Walaikum ___________.
How are you? Good.
How's school going? Good.
(long pause and boredness)
Eat eat. Come eat.
(another long silence)
Okay, goodnight. Come over.
The End.

Thanks to my understanding patient parents, I enjoyed the company of my friends. I went where I wanted, many times with my parents dropping us off to make sure we didn't wander off. Other times as I got older and "knew better" I was able to let them know where I was going and spend time with my girls.

Now it's different.

I never understood the meaning of family until I got married.

I was telling my husband yesterday, "You know the things I don't get, now I get them thanks to you...you know the family cultural expectations and formalities. I'm not that smart when it comes to that stuff, but you are. That's why my parents got me married to you."

He politely and modestly declined the compliment - but it's true.

I remember debating how my father and I would settle on one guy. God showed it was possible in the form of a man man who was raised here but still carried on his cultural roots and maintained a professional American life.

His family also puts a huge importance on family.

The opposite was true for me. I didn't expect or see my family every week. We made family get-to-gethers occasional and special. My siblings and I would debate if we wanted to go to relatives houses' depending on the duration of the visit. Sometimes we had legitimate reasons, other times we just didn't know how to fill the silence.

Alhamdulillah as I grew older and slowly understood the importance of family and realized the value family relations are given in the Quran, I put in more effort.

"Blood relations are closer to one another in the Book of Allah. Allah has knowledge of all things. (8:75)"

Even though it was often hard to talk to some family members, fearing God I would try to break the silence.

"You who believe! Be upholders of justice, bearing witness for Allah alone, even against yourselves or your parents and relatives. Whether they are rich or poor, Allah is well able to look after them. Do not follow your own desires and deviate from the truth. If you twist or turn away, Allah is aware of what you do. (4:135)"

God says those who break ties with their families are cursed.

"But if you held command, you were sure to make mischief in the land and cut off the ties of kinship. Those it is whom Allah has cursed, so He has made them deaf and blinded their eyes. (Surah Muhammad 22-23)"

Similarly Prophet Muhammad (sws) said the 2nd worst deeds one can do is server ties with family.

A man approached the Holy Prophet (S) and enquired, “What is the worst deed in the eyes of Allah?”
The Holy Prophet (S) replied,
“To attribute partners to Allah.”
The man then asked, “After this which is the worst sin?”
The Holy Prophet (S) said:
“To sever relations”.
After this the same person asked, “After this which is the worst sin?”
The Holy Prophet (S) replied:
“To enjoin the evil and to forbid the good (deeds).”
(al-Kāfi)

On the other hand, I miss my friends.

I spend about 5 percent of my time with friends. I go to get-togethers once in a while, simultaneously worrying about the family I'm leaving behind at home.

As my friend Ruma often says, "You'll get used to it," when I tell her about new experiences.

Alhamdulillah, I'm so grateful for my friends and family.

"The friends shall on that day (of judgment) be enemies of each other except those who guard against evil.(Zukhruf:67)"

What is gaurding evil? Friends and family who are God-fearing:

"The men and women from among the believers are friends of each other. They call the people towards goodness and piety and abstain from evil and transgression. They uphold the prayer, pay the poor-rate (zakaat) and obey Allah and His Prophet (s.a.w.s.). Indeed, these are the ones for whom Allah shall soon manifest His mercy and grace. Verily Allah is all-powerful, and the most wise.(Al Imran:71)"

We will be raised with those whom we love. It's not about chosing between friends or family. We need both. Therefore let us be the best to them and let them be the best to us, Inshallah.

(Picture from countryclipart.com)

The things that replace us, and them.

2009-11-13T23:05:00.000-08:00

Women crave compliments, attention and communication with their husbands. Instead they're replaced with the TV, web surfing, other relatives or their kids. Similarly men are replaced with Facebook, Twitter and other Internet social networks, by women.

What would we do without our "replacements?"

What would happen if we didn't have access to those outlets? Well, we'd go crazy of course.

For men, it's unwinding after a long day at work. Small things count. Men still enjoy getting hot-and-ready food the moment they come home from a long day at work and the 15-minute company while they're divulging their meal.

Women don't mind being "replaced" as long as men are pretending to listen or throw in a couple of "yes, sure" or nods in agreement to what they're saying. A hug or compliment can help after a long day without their attention :)

These are the links that keep us bonded. They help us fulfill our duties.

In the Quran God says, "They are your garments and ye are their garments, (2:187)" referring to an analogy that clothes cover our imperfections and so do husbands and wives.

What would we do without our social networks? What would they do without TV?

We'd drive each other nuts.

May God guide and protect us. May He help us fulfill our duties towards our spouses.

P.S. An interesting article regarding protecting marriage against friends online.
"Is Facebook a Cyber-Threat to your Marriage?"
http://marriagejunkie.com/2009/01/22/is-facebook-a-cyber-threat-to-your-marriage/

Beautiful smily baby <3

2009-11-05T21:30:00.001-08:00

As much as kids can frustrate mothers, they can just as much - make you laugh!

I've been waiting for the moment when baby would smile in response to human interaction rather than happy dreams. It finally happened.

It al started when I received a lovely short message from a childhood friend. She said, "Give that beautiful baby a kiss for me and tell him it's from a silly aunt he hasn't met yet."

And I did just that.

And he smiled! It was sooo wonderful :)

Flashback to about a half an hour ago - I was really frustrated as I was trying to write a 500-word essay for a scholarship due at 12 a.m. (by November 6) and baby started crying as babys do. I put him on the bed next to his father who was sleeping. After realizing the baby was hungry, my husband asked me nicely to feed him. I was frustrated but realized the internship was not more important than my hungry baby.

When he smiled it was the most precious moment. It made up for the craziness.

Beautiful lovely baby <3
Truly a gift from God.

P.S. He's snoozing on my lap now :)

Exams, Health and Stress

2009-10-28T13:00:00.000-07:00

Quizzes/Exams:

Have to catch up on two quizzes for my online Descriptive Astronomy class. Although it's not hard, there's plenty of work to do to get four credits. If I study the vocab, the quiz may reflect the PowerPoints. If I study the PowerPoints, the quiz may be from the vocab.

Exam #2 becomes available on Sunday. Didn't do so hot on the first one. Need to hustle and study. There's so much going on it's hard to concentrate, not that I ever can fully concentrate.

I am also taking the Dow Jones editing exam tomorrow, an exam to get a paid copy editing internship in a major city. The internships are not available in Detroit, however knowing if I passed will give me a good idea of my capabilities in copy editing.

Copy editors are the people who check articles before they go in print. They look for things like grammar, spelling, factual or logical errors, and take out unnecessary words.

Although I'm studying print journalism, there is money and jobs open in copy editing. I enjoy editing and did well in News Editing class.

Health:

Father-in-law went for a check-up at the doctors on Monday. Last Monday he had an ultrasound on his upper body. Monday the family doctor sent him to the emergency upon seeing him.

My father-in-law has bad asthma. He has to get his lungs cleaned out - they're filled with water and mucus.

The hospital doctor yesterday said my father-in-law had a minor heart attack before he got to the hospital. He's in severe pain today. I'm planning to go visit later today.

Stress:

With a baby, messy room, two quizzes and two exams to study for, I'm feeling the stress. I wonder what's going to happen when I get back to school. Don't think I'll be sleeping much.

Keep me in your duas (prayers), I'll be needing them.

Self-awareness goes a long way

2009-09-29T06:05:00.000-07:00

Inna nillahi wa inna illahir rajeeon.

With the latest death that swept through the Bangladeshi community, it's needless to say women need to be careful.

For a little background, a 25-year-old woman was stabbed to death by her husband.

Shockingly this is not a shock, as it is taboo for women to get help or sometimes to get out of abusive relationships.

Police say a call in June to the couple's home did not reveal physical abuse. However, our community is so hush-hush about getting problems solved between couples that often times even when the police are called, the whole truth does not come out.

Culturally people will often tell their daughters or even daughter-in-laws to be patient, leave it to God, keep praying and hope things will get better.

In Islam women are legally allowed to get out of relationships that are abusive. They have that right.

Culture often robs women of their rights, sometimes for the sake of their children, and Islam grants amenity from poor treatment. In such cases divorce is better than taking one's life - even one's own life. Do the lesser evil. Divorce is one of the most disliked allowed things in Islam.

Read the details. Know your rights. Stand up for yourself.

If a man yells, he will yell again. If he hits his wife once, he will hit her again. The family, especially mahram men from the women's side need to take a stand at that time and protect her. That's what they are there for. Put the man in check from the get-go. Know he has no right to hurt his wife.

Same for women. Women can be abusive too.

Get out. Get help. Call the cops. Keep records.

Every incident cannot be prevented, but one must try to help themselves before they are helped. Keeping records will provide evidence and protection.

And, do pray. Do make dua. Do ask God for help. He is the ultimate Protector.
Not everything can be solved through family, negotiations and paperwork.

No one is allowed to oppressed. If someone being oppressed asks God for help, He will send help even if they are not Muslim.

Similarly it is our right upon other Muslims to help those who are oppressed, and to stop people from oppressing others.

Hadith on Oppression:

Narrated ‘Abdullah bin Umar:

Allah’s Apostle said, “A Muslim is a brother of another Muslim, so he should not oppress him, nor should he hand him over to an oppressor. Whoever fulfilled the needs of his brother, Allah will fulfill his needs; whoever brought his (Muslim) brother out of a discomfort, Allah will bring him out of the discomforts of the Day of Resurrection, and whoever screened a Muslim, Allah will screen him on the Day of Resurrection .”{Book 43, Volume 3, Number 622: Sahih Buhari}

Narrated Umar ibn al-Khattab:

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: the same occasion: Help the oppressed (sorrowful) and guide those who have lost their way.{Book 41, Number 4799: Sunan Abu-Dawud}

Narrated Abu Huraira:

Allah’s Apostle said, “Whoever has oppressed another person concerning his reputation or anything else, he should beg him to forgive him before the Day of Resurrection when there will be no money (to compensate for wrong deeds), but if he has good deeds, those good deeds will be taken from him according to his oppression which he has done, and if he has no good deeds, the sins of the oppressed person will be loaded on him.” {Volume 3, Book 43, Number 629: Sahih Bukhari}.

- May God protect us all from oppression.

Ramadan drop-by

2009-09-03T23:07:00.000-07:00

Haven't been dishing out any writing on here.
Trying to keep myself busy and productive. However, I am online doing some research and needing a post-midnight snack.

Subhanallah life is flying past and on the Day of Judgement we'll think we were on earth for only a day or two.

Well - Happy Ramadan. Hope everyone's fasts, prayers, duas and ibadah are accepted.

3 Random Interesting facts about Ramadan:

1. For every person who fasts with the hope of being rewarded, their sins are forgiven.
2. Rewards are multiplied, as voluntary acts are counted as obligatory acts. All deeds are rewarded 10-70xs more, except fasting which is rewarded individually and immeasurably.
3. There is a special gate in heaven labeled Al-Raiyan for fasters.

Like fire, like water.

2009-08-01T18:31:00.000-07:00

Patience is like the water which
Washes away fire

It's like the ocean tide that brings the turtles home
On the sea shore

Patience is the swift breeze
That brings calmness and serenity

It's the tongue that holds the cries
The tears that wipe the eyes

The fallout of a century
And the rise of another

The whisper of a dove
Hushing the scarecrow

The wisdom of the wise
Our generations despise

What do we have to account for
What do we have to reply for

Fallen but standing strong and firm
Let not the fire make me burn.

Walk a little faster.

2009-07-31T19:13:00.000-07:00

Walk a little faster,
Drive a little slower.

Watch as your days fly by,
Leave you in a heaving sigh sigh.

The things you took for granted,
The more they are wanted.

The things you forget day to night,
Now becomes a reason for your plight.

Trying to catch a breath;
One, two, three steps.

Time will leave you behind,
There's no stopping to hit rewind.

"...you will think that you have stayed [in this world] but a little while! (17:52)"

I drove the wrong way to work!

2009-07-28T07:07:00.000-07:00

And among His Signs, He shows you the lightning, by way both of fear and of hope...
(30:24)."

Subhanallah today I got lost on the way to work. I usually take Lodge N to get to work and Lodge S to get to school.

I just finished dropping my nephew off to the masjid for Quran lessons, as I reminded him to recite his car prayers (duas). I was explaining some duas are accepted right away and act as a shield while others are accepted when you need them. And the car prayer was one that acted as a shield.

So I'm on Lodge and usually I make a conscious decision whether to steer left or right, and this time I didn't. I was driving and ended up on the wrong side of the highway.

I kept repeating the car prayer. I felt like it wasn't working to its full strength this morning. Like I wasn't saying it right or wasn't putting the right umph nor intention into it. And suddenly I thought about Surah Al-Fathihah, Chapter 1 from the Quran. I began reciting in and thought about the meaning of the Surah -- the part where it says, "Oh God put me on the straight path."

And then it hit me.

I was going the wrong way!

I was approximately three minutes from exiting the highway. I took the usual left to get to school and then headed north. I called my boss at my internship and told him about the situation, laughing when he asked how did it happen.

"I don't know it was an accident. I realized it when I was three minutes away from the exit," I said.

Of course some may think of this as a mere coincidence but perhaps its a testament of increasing faith. How could I magically be put on the "right way" after thinking about that particular verse from the Quran..."put me on the straight path."

And He literally did. Subhanallah.

Surah 1. Al-Fatiha (The Opening)In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

1. Praise be to Allah, the Cherisher and Sustainer of the worlds;

2. Most Gracious, Most Merciful;

3. Master of the Day of Judgment.

4. Thee do we worship, and Thine aid we seek.

5. Show us the straight way,

6. The way of those on whom Thou hast bestowed Thy Grace,

7 those whose (portion) is not wrath, and who go not astray.

Test of faith, patience

2009-07-26T15:53:00.000-07:00

Those who are in the right suffer,
Those who are in the wrong usually get away with stuff.

It's sad but it's true.

However Allah has created the heavens surrounded with hardships and the hellfire with ease and desire. Therefore although "bad things happen to good people" it's all a test of faith.

When you know you're right and you don't say anything it goes a long way.
There are times when you should defend yourself and other times when its better not to say anything at all.

Alhamdulillah, thanks to faith, we are being saved from a lot more agony, Inshallah.

Be mindful of the circumstances, patient and quiet when you have every right to say something. Allah will give you something better in return Inshallah.

But not talking back at the moment, then talking behind someone's back defeats the purpose - and makes you lose your blessings.

Patience is the key to success. Oh Allah increase our patience. Ameen.

Muslim Bride.

2009-07-20T08:59:00.000-07:00

Being Muslim puts pressure on brides who want to doll up during their wedding but also have to conscious of religious requirements for covering.

I've seen many styles of wearing hijab with few strands of hair showing, none at all, or some with other parts showing - which make up for the hair not showing. It's not as easy as it seems.

With Arab brides, at least their weddings are seperate but they have to go through painstaking detail to find female photographers, halls that make special accomodations, all-female waitresses, and etc. (Unless they don't care).

And desi brides have to show their jewelry or else it seems like they didn't get any gold, which is part of their dowry. Now-a-days not all brides wear their gold during their wedding ceremony but rather wear imitation jewelry. Either way the bling has to show.

So the hijabi bride wins.

Picnics...

2009-07-12T20:10:00.000-07:00

Full of breeze
Put your mind at ease
Love the way
Nature craddled my day

Although it was nice
Meeting with the elephant and mice
Surely there were trees
That misunderstood me

And the people were free
To mingle and to meet
How the day passed by
My tiredness, no, sigh

Had a pretty good walk-out
Didn't have to shout
Listened to the birds chirping
And got a free fashion show mixing

Mothers, they mean so much.

2009-06-28T03:47:00.000-07:00

Mothers are given much respect in the Quran.

May God bless mothers, who struggle through so much to raise their children. Neither can we emulate their love, passion, dedication, and motivation to keep going despite any and all obstacles they may face.

There are different kinds of mothers, each with their own trial. Some with children, some with a child, and some with none (42:49-50).

49. To Allah belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth. He creates what He wills (and plans). He bestows (children) male or female according to His Will (and Plan),

50. Or He bestows both males and females, and He leaves barren whom He will: for He is full of Knowledge and Power.

God says in the Quran there are good children who appreciate their parents and wish to carry on the religion they were taught. There are others who disobey and disbelieve the true religion even with all the proof they were given (46:15-19).

15. We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents: In pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth. The carrying of the (child) to his weaning is (a period of) thirty months. At length, when he reaches the age of full strength and attains forty years, he says, "O my Lord! Grant me that I may be grateful for Thy favour which Thou has bestowed upon me, and upon both my parents, and that I may work righteousness such as Thou mayest approve; and be gracious to me in my issue. Truly have I turned to Thee and truly do I bow (to Thee) in Islam."

16. Such are they from whom We shall accept the best of their deeds and pass by their ill deeds: (They shall be) among the Companions of the Garden: a promise! of truth, which was made to them (in this life).

17. But (there is one) who says to his parents, "Fie on you! Do ye hold out the promise to me that I shall be raised up, even though generations have passed before me (without rising again)?" And they two seek Allah.s aid, (and rebuke the son): "Woe to thee! Have faith! for the promise of Allah is true." But he says, "This is nothing but tales of the ancients!"

18. Such are they against whom is proved the sentence among the previous generations of Jinns and men, that have passed away; for they will be (utterly) lost.

19. And to all are (assigned) degrees according to the deeds which they (have done), and in order that ((Allah)) may recompense their deeds, and no injustice be done to them.

May God bless all mothers, and keep the barren patient as a trial for the hereafter.

Crazy Michael Jackson fans...

2009-06-27T06:06:00.000-07:00

It's about time people realized, everyone must go.

Pop idols, musicians, actresses, actors. Everyone.

As a journalist I remember talking to an editor regarding interviewing "big people" and how sometimes it can be nerve-wrecking when worrying about making mistakes.

He said, "We all put our pants on the same way." That made me realize, he's right. We're all the same in some ways. Humanity.

In the Quran, God says believers realize "To God we belong, To Him shall we return," meaning our end will also be the same. Death.

To all the Michael Jackson fans, although it seems surreal, he's gone. He's dead. Our time is coming soon.

"Who say, when afflicted with calamity: "To Allah We belong, and to Him is our return(2:56)"

Patience and forgiveness, best of resolutions (42:30-43)

2009-06-20T06:44:00.000-07:00

Ehsan accident.

[42:30-43]

30. Whatever misfortune happens to you, is because on the things your hands have wrought, and for many (of them) He grants forgiveness.

31. Nor can ye frustrate (aught), (fleeing) through the earth; nor have ye, besides Allah, any one to protect or to help.

32. And among His Signs are the ships, smooth-running through the ocean, (tall) as mountains.

33. If it be His Will He can still the Wind: then would they become motionless on the back of the (ocean). Verily in this are Signs for everyone who patiently perseveres and is grateful.

34. Or He can cause them to perish because of the (evil) which (the men) have earned; but much doth He forgive.

35. But let those know, who dispute about Our Signs, that there is for them no way of escape.

36. Whatever ye are given (here) is (but) a convenience of this life: but that which is with Allah is better and more lasting: (it is) for those who believe and put their trust in their Lord:

37. Those who avoid the greater crimes and shameful deeds, and, when they are angry even then forgive;

38. Those who hearken to their Lord, and establish regular Prayer; who (conduct) their affairs by mutual Consultation; who spend out of what We bestow on them for Sustenance;

39. And those who, when an oppressive wrong is inflicted on them, (are not cowed but) help and defend themselves.

40. The recompense for an injury is an injury equal thereto (in degree): but if a person forgives and makes reconciliation, his reward is due from Allah. for ((Allah)) loveth not those who do wrong.

41. But indeed if any do help and defend themselves after a wrong (done) to them, against such there is no cause of blame.

42. The blame is only against those who oppress men and wrong-doing and insolently transgress beyond bounds through the land, defying right and justice: for such there will be a penalty grievous.

43. But indeed if any show patience and forgive, that would truly be an exercise of courageous will and resolution in the conduct of affairs.

A beautiful dua

2009-06-13T06:03:00.000-07:00

Hadith:

Those who recite the last two ayahs of Surah Al-Bakarah at night, it will suffice.

"The Messenger believeth in what hath been revealed to him from his Lord, as do the men of faith. Each one (of them) believeth in Allah, His angels, His books, and His messengers. "We make no distinction (they say) between one and another of His messengers." And they say: "We hear, and we obey: (We seek) Thy forgiveness, our Lord, and to Thee is the end of all journeys."

On no soul doth Allah Place a burden greater than it can bear. It gets every good that it earns, and it suffers every ill that it earns. (Pray:) "Our Lord! Condemn us not if we forget or fall into error; our Lord! Lay not on us a burden Like that which Thou didst lay on those before us; Our Lord! Lay not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Blot out our sins, and grant us forgiveness. Have mercy on us. Thou art our Protector; Help us against those who stand against faith." (2:285-286)

Those who read/ recite Surah Baqarah are protected from the Shaitan, Inshallah.

Benefits of reading/reciting Surah Baqarah: http://www.scribd.com/doc/3672668/Benefits-of-Reading-Surahs

Verses from Quran on Marriage

2009-06-11T15:23:00.001-07:00

Marriage is such a beautiful thing. Allah has said, He grants love and mercy to those united in marriage.

My all time favorite verse from the Quran:

"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect. (30:21)"

Allah has created us from a single person, of similar nature. It's true there's a lot of similarities between spouses:

O mankind! reverence your Guardian-Lord, who created you from a single person, created, of like nature, His mate, and from them twain scattered (like seeds) countless men and women...(4:1)

25:74] And they say, "Our Lord, let our spouses and children be a source of joy for us, and keep us in the forefront of the righteous."

[40:8] "Our Lord, and admit them into the gardens of Eden that You promised for them and for the righteous among their parents, spouses, and children. You are the Almighty, Most Wise. (40:8)

Congratulatory remarks for those enjoined in marriage:

Today, all good food is made lawful for you. The food of the people of the scripture is lawful for you. Also, you may marry the chaste women among the believers, as well as the chaste women among the followers of previous scripture, provided you pay them their due dowries. You shall maintain chastity, not committing adultery, nor taking secret lovers. Anyone who rejects faith, all his work will be in vain, and in the Hereafter he will be with the losers. (5:5)

We were made from ones like us, and we build families from that unit, Inshallah:

It is He Who created you from a single person, and made his mate of like nature, in order that he might dwell with her (in love). When they are united, she bears a light burden and carries it about (unnoticed). When she grows heavy, they both pray to Allah their Lord, (saying): "If Thou givest us a goodly child, we vow we shall (ever) be grateful." (7:189)

Skimmed this article on marriage in Islam and the balance of men and women in a relationship.
http://www.soundvision.com/Info/marriage/inislam.asp

...Inshallah to be edited when I get home! lol

Forgiveness

2009-06-09T08:55:00.000-07:00

I used to think it was okay to look the other way
When others used to the wrong things.

But now I know as a Muslim I have every right to say
Don’t do that, not tomorrow nor today.

I used to feel deprived of reality
I used to deprive myself .

And I used to think
No one was listening.

But I forgot that God was there,
He was always watching.

It didn’t matter if no one else cared
Nor if I didn’t listen to reasonable advice

I was my own worst critique
I was my own form of despair.

Now Alhamdulillah I know better,
Why suppress this message?

I am a lot stronger, Inshallah to last longer
I have to stay afloat by showing others I care.

Not a person is too young to bear their burdens,
The burdens of others, we cannot bear.

No soul shall bear a burden,
Greater than they can bear.

So why burden others with
An empty mind, an empty heart and empty despair?

May God help the misguided,
May He show us the right way

And may He grant forgiveness,
To those who are repenting for their mistakes.

Feelings.

2009-06-02T10:45:00.000-07:00

Don't be angry. Stay silent. Do not engage in talk which does not concern you. Forgive others. Forget mistakes. Do not ignore society but do not be obligated to become a part of the norm. Follow the truth. Be truthful. God sees all.

1. Patience is rewarding, anger leads to sins.
2. Stay silent, it is better than committing a grave sin - gossip.
3. Do not engage in talk which does not concern you, you are responsible for your own actions.
4. Forgive others. Not everyone will ask you for forgiveness but God will not forgive you until you forgive others. No one is too small to ask forgiveness, nor too big.
5. Forget mistakes. Remembering mistakes is living in the past. Be concerned with today - is today your last day? Are you prepared for the afterlife?
6. Do not ignore society but do not be obligated to become part of the norm. You have to care about what people say, enough to be in the right. When you are in the wrong you should correct yourself according to the Quran and Sunnah, not by what people think you should or shouldn't do. It is important to know how our neighbors, the sick, the orphans, and the less fortunate are doing. It is not important to feed the rich, the well, the most fortunate with gossip and worthless information.
7. Follow the truth. The truth is all around us, in the breeze, in the stars, in the guidance by which God gives. He tells us to forgive, to reconcile between parties, to be patient, to pray and ask for guidance. He gives us the truth, we need to look read and understand it.
8. Be truthful. Do not live in lies and secrets. It only hurts us. If in the past, forgive, forget, move on and think positive. If in the past, you cannot change it you cannot bring it back and you cannot ignore it. Tell the truth and move on.
9. God sees all. He sees us whispering behind backs of the sinners, we become their equals or worse. He sees us judging others. He sees us hurting each other. He sees us being closed-minded. He sees us forgetting Him, as we forget one another. He sees all. He will judge between us, every single one of us, for every single thing we do.

There is no difference for those who do little or big; we all are sinners and we all deserve what our hands have earned. By being older, taller, smarter doesn't help us escape Allah's wrath when He is angry. Repent, come together and ask for forgiveness.

God sees all.

God sees all; He sees the mother starve her child of his/her rights. He sees the son plead to his mother for her sympathy. He sees the children who are treated unequally. He sees the ones who are quiet. He sees the mother who hurts. He sees the tears in the eyes who are left in-between. He sees the one who feels abandoned. He sees the one plotting their evil plots. He sees the differences. He sees the similarities.

Shouldn't we try to be better than the worse? Why stoop to the lowest of levels?
Should we not be steadfast in prayer, patience and perserverance rather than discussing all our difficulties? Should we not be wishing for the best of wishes, for Paradise, rather than worldly materials?

How low have let our souls go that we forget...He sees all.

Time flies...

2009-05-26T06:47:00.000-07:00

Subhanallah.

The world is ever-changing
It's hard to catch up
Look behind for a second
And times almost up!

Not a word not a sound but
So many things around
Laughter envelopes sorrow
Yes, one today is one more tomorrow (Inshallah)

Have we forgotten ourselves
In the midst of the chaos
Are we leaving behind memories
Or a bunch of goodness?

Did we forget that this was promised
This time span that is leaving us behind
These years will seem but a few days
When we leave this world from here...

"And on the Day when He shall gather them together, [it will seem to them] as if they had not tarried [on earth] longer than an hour of a day..." (10:45)

Planned Parenthood

2009-05-17T12:59:00.001-07:00

People say they can plan when they want to have kids. But is it really true?

There are three things that are pre-written for us:

1. When you're born and who your parents.
2. When you will die.
3. Who your spouse will be.

Therefore, according to that if you are destined to be with certain parents at a certain time, can they really "plan" when they have you?

Similarly I've heard the argument that if you're really careful, then you can avoid parenthood. Um no.

Even if you "plan" not have to have kids for say five years, when you do want to have kids in the sixth year, you cannot pinpoint the exact year, month, or day when it will happen. According to sunnah, a couple can concieve a child within a year if God so wills.

And even then, what if you just can't have kids and didn't know? Or in one case a woman lost her child during pregnancy and may not ever be able to get pregnant again without severely endangering her life.

If you look at Prophet Zakariyah, his wife and him were impotent. He did not have a child until he was in the feeblest age and with the help of dua. Allah so willed.

Vigin Maryam had Prophet Jesus without a husband or a mate. Allah so willed.

Prophet Ibrahim cohabited with Hajira and had Ismail because Sarah was unable to have children. Suddenly she had Isaac. Allah so willed.

Nothing is planned. It's all in Allah's divine plan. Destiny is written, but fate can change with duas. So you can make duas to help you and try your best to do what's best for this world and the hereafter.

If you're "planning" to have children later, ask for the best time.
If you're "planning" to have children sooner, make dua to be well-qualified and prepared. If you're not "planning" for anything, just believe...if Allah so wills it can happen.

Ameen.

"Verily with every difficulty there is relief"

2009-05-10T18:35:00.000-07:00

'Verily, with every difficulty there is relief' (94:6).

This is such a short verse in the Quran, yet it can mean so much.

The Quran is so beautiful, subhanallah. Every time you read it (the translation) you will find out something new and the same verses will mean something else. It has the power to heal, to lift you from distress and guide you. Quran is the literal word of Allah in the form of a 'book' for all mankind to learn from, revealed through Angel Gibrael and exemplified by Prophet Muhammad (sws).

On most Sundays I spend my time at the masjid trying to reach out to young girls. Some are innocent to the reality of this world. They have yet to learn. Some are going through things I may have gone through, or perhaps even worse things.

Often we discuss Quranic verses and I try to find a way to relate it to them. Mind you I try to be as straight forward as possible because I realize how important it is for them to learn the truth.

During today's program hijab came up. Hijab is mandatory for women and men. Yet, there are many of us who cannot bear with the reality of things being haram and halal. We have our own ideas and we draw fine lines to suit our cause. Sometimes we struggle to go one step further to get closer to Allah.

For example,

Some wear hijab, but not all the time.
Some cover themselves, but do not dress modestly.
Some hang with good friends, but also bad friends.
Some know what's right but are fearful for what people will say so they stay in the wrong.
Some pray, but not five times a day.

Hence we have religion. Religion came here to give us hope. Hope to increase our faith, help us get through the small struggles and attain Paradise.

We have the choice to worship Allah, however our hearts were made to worship Him. Therefore naturally our instincts will incline towards good and sometimes verge towards bad when we're caught off guard.

And all the things we're holding ourselves back from; wearing a little less make-up, wearing loser clothing, hanging out less with the bad friends, wearing our hijab all the time, praying on time is all a test. It is all a struggle. It can all be hard.

But Allah says, "No burden do We place on any soul, but that which it can bear" (6:152) therefore that reassures us that we can get through our struggles.

And Allah says if we struggle in hardship, it will be followed with ease...as long as we're doing it to please Allah.

Allah judges us for efforts more than our actions. What more do we need to move ourselves forward?

Well, we need faith.

"La illaha illallah" There is no God but Allah. Miraculously the solution is in the verse itself. Remember Allah, repeat this verse and associate no partners with Him. He will elevate your faith Inshallah.

The Quran also has great stories to learn from. For example in Surah Al-Anbiya, The Prophets(21:76-93), I found six major Prophets mentioned that all had their unique struggle. Overall they all displayed patience, perseverance, gratefulness, and they remembered Allah in times of hardship (and always).

Not only was their message important - to believe in and worship One God - but their lives were examples to learn from.

Allah says He gives us hardships to make us stronger in faith.

What do we have to complain about? Neither did a flood destroy all but a handful of the inhabitants of the Earth like during Prophet Noah's time, nor did we get swallowed by a big fish like Prophet Jonas. And still we are ungrateful.

(21:76-93)
http://searchquran.net/quran.php?q=21:76-93&lang={$lang}

So what is the best way to worship Allah and get through our struggles?

Remembering Allah. "Those who believe, and whose hearts find satisfaction in the remembrance of Allah: for without doubt in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction." (13:28)

And Allah knows best. Ameen.

Mothers curse their children

2009-04-18T06:00:00.000-07:00

Assalam Walaikum. Peace be upon you.

Sadly we have come to an era when parents curse their own children. After some observations; Mothers saying their kids are stupid, pigs, and irresponsible. Fathers saying their kids don't respect them and are unappreciative of their favors.

And parents set the example.

Aisha (r), a wife of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), called one of his other wives short. He said, the one word you said against her could turn the oceans black. ONE bad word against someone can turn the oceans black. All of them. That's how bad it is.

Sadly, a mothers prayer is accepted more readily than others. So when they throw around comments about their children, they could be cursing them to that destiny.

And when fathers complain about the duty they were given to take care of their family, and they call others unappreciative, perhaps their duas get accepted too - and families become unappreciative.

It's frustrating.

Parents are granted the highest respect in the Quran after Allah (God) and Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), however we are also told not to listen to them when we are asked to forge our belief of God, or do something against Islam.

Obey your parents.

That doesn't mean sit down when they say. Stand when they say. That doesn't mean tell them what to do. It means listen and respect their advice. Filter the good and the unnecessary. It also means advise them on what is good, and if they give us bad advice we should do our best to explain that to them and teach them what is right.

Don't gossip.
Don't scream.
Pray on time.

If they tell us not to talk to our uncle, which is their brother, that is breaking ties with family. That is forbidden. It brings a curse upon us. The Prophet (pbuh) said those who break ties with family bring upon themselves a curse on Earth. We should do our best to reconcile family members and also make an effort to keep things well with our uncle- Whether that means saying salam when we see them and ask them how they're doing; or if in the position when we are not bound by our parents restrictions (married and not living in the same home) visit them, speak to them on the phone and try to increase our relationship. Don't wait until they're dying.

Do you part.

Those who have a strong belief in Allah, and have faith in reconciling both sides, they are successful.

The Quran also says, honor thy father and mother.

While they were given so much honor, our mother two times more than our father for our carrying and nursing; they must also respect their children.

Rule of law: respect others to get respect. You can't force respect, nor can you demand it. You must earn it.

Inshallah we should try to respect everyone at all times - young or old. Feeble or strong. Hard-headed or confident. Arrogant or learning. Polished or rocky.

A hadith says, show mercy to the young and respect your elders.

Mercy to the young means not expecting them to be wise grown folks that understand 'everything.' It doesn't mean commanding people until they listen to you. It doesn't mean forcing people to think a certain way. It doesn't mean ignoring them when they speak. It means helping them grow in every aspect.

In a hadith it says, we are considered living our youth ages until we're 40, in which times we rely on our parents for support, after 40 they rely on us.

Think about: that means we are to be guided throughout that time by our parents to the best of their ability. Alhamdulillah by that time most of us have our degrees, are married and at least one kid. We are starting/continuing our family life. So expecting teens to be at the forty-something mindset is kind of impossible.

Similarly the way you speak to a two-year-old is not the same way you speak to a 12-year-old. The way you speak to a 20-year-old is not the same way you speak to a 40-year-old. The older we get, the more opinions and feedback we have.

Parents are told to give their children good advice. That's what we need, good lessons when we are younger and advice as we grow older, when we are responsible for our own actions.

Boys who are 15 and do whatever they want are being judged. Girls who talk back to their parents are going to be judged. Parents who don't treat their kids kindly are going to be judged. And we're going to be judged in front of the Greatest Fairest Stricted judge of all - Allah.

Do what you want but, beware of the consequences.

May Allah open our hearts, forgive our sins and give us guidance. Ya Allah forgive me if I have made any mistakes.
-Ameen

15 things I want to do before I die, Inshallah.

2009-02-22T19:48:00.000-08:00

1. Pray five times a day, on time, attaining full rewards
2. Significantly help the poor
3. Finish my scrapbook
4. Take a studio couple picture
5. Go to NY to visit my mass family & hang out
6. Get my bachelors degree without changing majors
7. Figure out a way to lower my gaze & help understand people I'm still listening but just not starring
8. Build a professional religious friendly wardrobe
9. Improve my iman
10. Put my complete trust in Allah
11. Stop complaining
12. Forgive everyone who has ever hurt me
13. Apologize to EVERYONE I have ever hurt; intentionally and unintentionally
14. Give dawah to people I overlook
15. Make a difference in the world, for the sake of Islam and for Allah

Wa akhir dua'na, Alhamdulillah. Ameen.

Unexpected expectations

2009-02-22T18:11:00.000-08:00

When he sat on my couch,
I could only think of a million things
That I wish he wouldn't say
I hoped he'd prove himself to me

My mind fumbled for words
My heart raced
I couldn't keep up with
Its fast pace

I waited for the silence to break
How he sat comfortably reclined,
Anticipation and peace
Illuminating his face.

Hello my name is...
he began,
I quietly sat awed in shock
Of merriness.

He asked me for my name
He wasn't like the others,
He didn't know a thing about me
He had that one chance to find out.

I looked down at the floor
My eyes glued to the objects before me
My hands sweating and wondering
Whether this guy was right for me.

As the conversation grew
The level of comfort increased
Smiles were spread across his face
Of course I couldn't see...

But I took a peak,
And let my mom tell me
If he was this guy
I had been hoping for all along

If so, pinch me.
He held me like glue
In his conversation
He was funny too.

At last he took his last stride
Out my front door
And I laughed aloud
As I ran to my room.

Changing into sweatpants
From my white and blue sari,
I started running
For my mommy.

There she was looking shy as ever
As if she was the one in my place
And I couldn't help but smile
At the awkward silence that was in the air.

I told her what I thought
He was nice. Alhamdulillah.
She was happy, at last Mr. Right
Fulfilling her motherhood dreams.

They left me with a ring
Did it mean anything
I was having a hard time understanding
All the culture-religion shocks.

Alhamdulillah, he blew me away
As I'd heard before,
Arraigned marriages
Rarely work this way.

How silly I was thinking
I could find him by myself
Without any help,
Without any guidance.

How simple it was,
Pray to Allah,
Ask for help,
Listen and accept.

The timeline was prescribed
Get married 'as quickly as possible'
Do not let shaitan have his chance
To destroy good plans.

After 3 weeks or so,
I was no longer single.
He became my husband
And I became his wife.

Now let's fast-forward to reality
And let me tell you the truth
I am married, and it was arraigned,
And it's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

---

(Meena Jewelers)

He thought I had Vitamin D deficiency

2009-02-21T19:41:00.000-08:00

I met a man who I tried to walk away from
But he stopped me,
Only to tell me I am subject to Vitamin D deficiency
Cause I wear 'that thing' on me

I was on my way to pray
I didn't know what to say
But I tried to walk away
Before he could ask me to stay

As I returned to my desk
He came like a pest
Dropping off the research mess,
What an instant distress.

All the packet had to say,
Was some people who wore a veil
Were vitamin D deficient, as you may...
Guess, I was wrongly portrayed.

I began to protest,
Saying I surely did detest,
I didn't live in a nest,
And my veil was the best.

He claimed it was cause of the sun
The middle east has more, we have none
And it's the veil that keeps us from the fun
How he doesn't know we do it only for One.

Neither am I from the middle east
Nor do I hang out at the beach
But I know the veil on me,
Isn't the reason to vitamin D deficiency.

I almost felt ashamed,
Could I be blamed?
For following, unfamed,
And denying what he claimed?

But I knew it wasn't true
There wasn't a person that I knew
Who became a part of a crew
That had vitamin D deficiency, too.

And the call to Islam,
Is more important than the harm,
The faithful alarm,
Keeps me covering up my arms...

Little did he know
My beauty continues to grow
Inshallah rewards are in store,
If I cover even more.

- - -

http://www.womentowomen.com/nutritionandweightloss/vitamind.aspx

How blessed I am

2009-02-17T06:26:00.000-08:00

How blessed I am to see the leaves fall in autumn
To walk along the paths of snow in winter
To truddle in the mud during spring
And swing in the sweet breeze in summer

How blessed I am, I can walk, jog, and run
I can crawl, hop and jump
I know I'm 20-something
But I can always pretend to be one.

My mind is being silly
I keep on giggling
Maybe cause I fail to realize
I have two assignments due

Maybe it's cause I know
That procrastination
Sometimes leads to good things
And an adreline rush of silliness

Finer things of life

2009-02-16T20:14:00.000-08:00

The finer things in life
Are the unexpected
The rejected
The protected.

They are the things you never think of
Dream of or notice.

The finer things in life
Have no life at all
They simply sing a tune of freedom
And call people to follow along.

Some call them fantasies,
Some call them hopes
Some call them suprises
Some call them promises.

The finer things in life,
What could they be,
If they weren't a surprise?

The finer things of life.

They mean nothing at all
If they are never understood.

If man and woman cannot share sorrows,
Or destroy anger and chaos...

Neither will there be peace and serenity,
Nor can they share the finer things in life.

Faith and marriage.

2009-02-08T18:11:00.000-08:00

Marriage is 50 percent of all Sunnah, and the other half fear Allah.

Prophet Muhammad (sws) said those who do not follow his sunnah are not a part of him.

Benefits of marriage:
1. Keeps you away from sin - lowering gaze, means of halal
3. Ampless blessings - recieve love and mercy from Allah. Both are important in every marraige.
4. A way to get closer to Allah
5. Protection and security

Marriage...is kinda cool.

2009-02-07T12:28:00.000-08:00

One thing I like about being married at a young age is, you're kind of in the middle. Sometimes people will take you seriously and your opinion counts. Other times you are not knowledgeable to understand so you're not held on a tight leash.

That doesn't mean don't try to fit it, just means that your view of the world is kind of different from the last generation.

For example I can go hang out with the women when there's something valuable to learn and stay away when the conversation doesn't apply to me. Or just smile and give guests tea - the stuff I'm bound to know.

When I have homework, I can avoid the conversations about peoples kids doing cute things. I wouldn't have much to contribute to that conversation. But if you have teens and need some tips on how to handle them, I can offer some tips.

I've always been in the middle, when it came to friends and acquaintances. A lot of my friends are younger, many are older. Perfect experience for married women.

Besides the things I have to do...I've learned valuable lessons of patience, respect and perserverance.

Megan, I am, I am?

2009-02-04T19:51:00.000-08:00

Many people think my name is Meagan. Especially on the phone. It has happened four times. I counted.

And my name, NARGIS, sounds nothing like MEGAN.

I don't mind being a Megan, they're pretty cool people. It's a common American name and has been since the 1990s, according to the U.S. Census bureau.

In Greek, it's a shorthand version of Margaret.

Nar-gis (hard g) is also a universal name, that originated in Persia. It is a flower in the daffodil family, also known as narcissus. Some can argue the name of the flower originated from the Greek mythology of Narcissus.

I don't believe it.

Personality-wise, it means that I'm independent and strong-willed, according to www.kabalarian.com, of Kabalarian Philosophy.

Philosophers around the world compared the pronunciation of names, to determine characteristics associated with it. Your name makes you who you are.

When choosing baby names, weigh-in different accounts of a name before settling on personality traits alone. Everyone will have good and bad traits.

For example, Meagans get into a lot of activities and leave them unfinished. They do not get a lot of rest (relaxation). My friend Meagan does a lot at once and barely sleeps. Not sure if she leaves things "unfinished" though.

So true? Or horoscopey?

Good names make good people, usually.

Personally I've noticed people with the same name have something in common. It may be physical features or their strong personality, such as my friends named Sumaiya.

I know four - but two well - who are very outgoing, set a trend, and are motivated. In history, Sumaiya bint Al-Khayat was the first martyr in Islam, after being beaten by a non-believing leader/king.

In the movie The Message, by Director Moustapha Akkad, Sumaiya was tortured and killed in front of her husband and son.

She was a strong-willed hard-core believer, and she earned herself a place in Jannah.

One of the five basic rights of a parent to child is giving them a good name.

The most popular name in the world is Muhammad, after the last Prophet in Islam. And we all know, he played a significant part in world history.